Update

drummyfish.md

@@ -32,7 +32,7 @@ In 2012 drummyfish fell into deep [depression](depression.md) and became convinc
 
 **Does drummyfish have [divine intellect](terry_davis.md)?** Hell no, he's pretty retarded at most things and would be a complete failure wasn't it for some of his special features -- thanks to his extraordinary tendency for isolation, grand curiosity and obsession with [truth](truth.md) he is possibly the only man on [Earth](earth.md) completely immune to propaganda, something that can also be attributed to his low communication skills -- he always struggled with understanding what others wanted to say and this disability actually turned out to also be an immunity to propaganda as he learned to not listen to others and rather make his own picture of the world. Thanks to this he can see the world as it is, not as it is presented, so he feels it is his moral duty to share what he is seeing. He is able to overcome his natural dumbness by tryharding and sacrificing his social and sexual life so that he can program more. If drummyfish can learn to program [LRS](lrs.md), so can you.
 
-**What is drummyfish's fucking problem?** The biggest burden for drummyfish -- the one that he has always struggled with (even if he realized this very late in his life) and which will be with him until death -- is that he is simply extremely, extremely alone. NO, not "alone" in the [incel](incel.md) sense, and not alone in the "[geeky](geek.md)" way, not alone as in being introverted and shy or hated (even if that he is), missing sex or company or attention or compassion, not at all. He has been struggling his whole life to find a HUMAN, a true human being like himself -- of perhaps we should rather say human subspecies of which drummyfish is and always will be the only member. He feels much closer to animals than to people. On the Internet he found a considerable number of "followers" through [LRS](lrs.md) (many of them working at CIA), the expression of his life philosophy, but he never really met a being of the same human subspecies as he is himself. He is alien in a sense -- people exist around him, even what would be called "friends", supporters, "fans", but he has never met a single true human being of the same kind as himself, someone to find absolute mutual understanding with and someone to have a true admiration for. { The closest is probably my mom, only her I ever really admired and felt the closest bond with. I think no one else ever came closer to understanding me and loving me like that. This is probably nothing surprising though. ~drummyfish } A feeling perhaps similar to what the last member of a species that is dying out must feel, except that he doesn't even have any ancestors to think of, it is a feeling of being absolutely alone in the whole Universe, the whole timespace. Hell, he is so lonely he created a whole virtual world, lore, ideology and Internet community with huge ass [wiki](lrs_wiki.md) where he is still the only participant and where he basically just keeps talking to himself. { Also please don't try to fix me or comfort me by saying nice things like "I was like this too, you will find someone", it just pisses me off, you don't know what's going on. I know your intentions are good but don't do it cause it's no use. ~drummyfish } But the feeling of loneliness is only part of the whole tragedy -- it would even be bearable, however the worst part is that drummyfish LOOKS LIKE a normal human so others treat him so, they try to apply things that normally work on people on drummyfish, like talking to him or thanking him or keeping him in company of other people because apparently "humans are social animals" or whatever, and it's just fucking killing him. It's as if you try to treat literal fish like a human, trying to keep it out of water because humans dislike breathing water, trying to feed it human food, put it in human clothes -- you're just going to torture the animal to death.
+**What is drummyfish's fucking problem?** He is torn between love and hatred of humans, longing for closeness whilst despising all of mankind. The biggest burden for drummyfish -- the one that he has always struggled with (even if he realized this very late in his life) and which will be with him until death -- is that he is simply extremely, extremely alone in his own right. NO, not "alone" in the [incel](incel.md) way, and not alone in the "[geeky](geek.md)" sense, not alone as in being introverted and shy or hated and bullied (even if that he is), missing sex or company or attention or compassion, not at all. He's been struggling his whole life to encounter a HUMAN, a true soul like himself -- of perhaps we should rather say human subspecies of which drummyfish is and always will be the only example. He feels profoundly closer to animals than to people. On the Internet he met a considerable number of "followers" through [LRS](lrs.md) (many of them working at CIA), the expression of his life philosophy, but he never really met a being of the same human subspecies as he is himself. He is alien in a sense -- people exist around him, even what would be called "friends", supporters, "fans", but he has never met a single true human being of the same kind as himself, someone to find absolute mutual understanding with and someone to have a true admiration for. { The closest is probably my mom, only her I ever really admired and felt the closest bond with. I think no one else ever came closer to understanding me and loving me like that. This is probably nothing surprising though. ~drummyfish } A feeling perhaps similar to what the last member of a species that is dying out must feel, except that he doesn't even have any ancestors to think of, it is a feeling of being absolutely alone in the whole Universe, the whole timespace. Hell, he is so lonely he created a whole virtual world, lore, ideology and Internet community with huge ass [wiki](lrs_wiki.md) where he is still the only participant and where he basically just keeps talking to himself. { Also please don't try to fix me or comfort me by saying nice things like "I was like this too, you will find someone", it just pisses me off, you don't know what's going on. I know your intentions are good but don't do it cause it's no use. ~drummyfish } But the feeling of loneliness is only part of the whole tragedy -- it would even be bearable, however the worst part is that drummyfish LOOKS LIKE a normal human so others treat him so, they try to apply things that normally work on people on drummyfish, like talking to him or thanking him or keeping him in company of other people because apparently "humans are social animals" or whatever, and it's just fucking killing him. It's as if you try to treat literal fish like a human, trying to keep it out of water because humans dislike breathing water, trying to feed it human food, put it in human clothes -- you're just going to torture the animal to death.
 
 **Is drummyfish arrogant and [egocentric](egoism.md)?** Maybe yes, he was not once told so, and he admits he is prone to being a shitty being, a disgrace to what he preaches -- yes, he sees it, regrets it and suffers from it, and it's no excuse for behaving so -- he is a bad, bad, faulty and shitty being. He is also a huge cocksucker that chases away any potential friend he could make, that's just a trait of his broken personality. Humans are weak, shitty and inevitably have evil in them, sometimes too big to overcome completely, some days you are good, other days you're too tired and the evil shows. We all carry the heavy burden of self interest, greed and egocentrism cast upon us by evolution, it's imprinted in our brains, sometimes it's too strong to not let it show. Please remember LRS argues to not glorify anyone -- partly for said reasons -- and by that drummyfish never wishes to be praised or glorified, he only wishes for you to take the ideas he offers, think about them and take the good you find. Drummyfish tries to be good but inevitably he won't always succeed -- follow ideas, not people.
 
@@ -64,7 +64,7 @@ What follows is an info about Drummyfish that might be called """sensitive""":
 - **date of virginity loss**: no (but got handjob and blowjob)
 - **[IQ](iq.md)** (SD 15): bullshit ranging anywhere from 120 to 151, at Mensa he got 148 but he trained for it a bit before because it was at the time when he was very insecure about his IQ, in paper and online self tests normally somewhere around 130, at current time probably half of that as Internet killed all the brain cells. { On weekends subtract 20 because I now drink wine on weekends and it deletes my brain (I don't drink that much but with the pills I'm taking it has this sorta effect). ~drummyfish }
 - **[DNA](dna.md) stuff**: maternal haplogroup HV (HVR1 mutations: 16093C, 16129A, 16221T, 16519C), paternal haplogroup E1b1b { No idea what this stuff means, if anyone can explain I'll appreciate. ~drummyfish }
-- **other**: vegetarian, anosmia (no sense of smell), hallux varus (foot toe too far apart from other fingers), nasal adenoids removed in childhood, from age of 20 anxiety and depression (taking antidepressants, [AvPD](avpd.md)), in 2006 broken instep of right foot, NOT Covid vaccinated, weird issues with sight (doctors say it's "psychosomatic" but he thinks he has some shit in his brain, it's something related to so called "visual snow"), wore dental braces, wisdom teeth NOT removed (fuck dentists), has migraines with aura but usually without headaches
+- **other**: vegetarian, anosmia (no sense of smell), hallux varus (foot toe too far apart from other fingers), nasal adenoids removed in childhood, from age of 20 anxiety and depression (taking antidepressants, [AvPD](avpd.md)), in 2006 broken instep of right foot, NOT Covid vaccinated, weird issues with sight (doctors say it's "psychosomatic" but he thinks he has some shit in his brain, it's something related to so called "[visual snow](visual_snow.md)"), wore dental braces, wisdom teeth NOT removed (fuck dentists), has migraines with aura but usually without headaches
 - **favorites** (as of writing of course):
   - **[color](color.md)**: depends, but a general answer has always been yellow (lighter, less saturated)
   - **[number](number.md)**: hard to say, maybe 12 { Generally highly divisible numbers like 6, 12 and 24 feel appealing to me, they have warm colors in my mind, a mix of orange, brown and green, and I feel they are useful and universal for measurements by being dividable into many different ways. ~drummyfish }