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diff --git a/poetry/deadend.txt b/poetry/deadend.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 7eb3b40..0000000 --- a/poetry/deadend.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,28 +0,0 @@ -Breaking Down The Dead-End Sign -2021-07-10 - -*** - -What is it with you, Lethe, and wanting things to end? -Marriage vow, credits roll, no path past the bend? -Everything must have a finish, every stone deemed finite, -for what? So you can kneel down and for eternity close your eyes? - -Your dreamt-of solace seems nice first glance, turning yourself to stone, -having pushed all else away, silent, sole, alone. -No more meals or baths or chores or afternoons spent slaving at work, -no more rhythms to be bourne, no more curses to be heard. - -I know it hurts to hear, Lethe, but your life does not belong to you. -Your "merciful alternative" would silence part of me too. -I didn't give you a shard of my soul, didn't bear the pain -of being ripped asunder just for you to turn away. - -The world is too much with us, and yet not enough. -And I chose to persist, despite the dread, for the one I love. -The deaths, the Eyes, the deicide. And yet we endure. -I'm staying alive for you. So, Lethe, please, return the favor. - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/home.txt b/poetry/home.txt deleted file mode 100755 index c8388aa..0000000 --- a/poetry/home.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,44 +0,0 @@ -You Can't Go Home Again -2021-07-16 - -*** - -"Come summer, there will be as much sun -as anyone -could ever want, -and you will have -all the time in the world -to open a book and let the pages unfurl." - -But I doubt summer will ever come, -for the winds tug at my hair, -and the rain waits for no one, -and I have now lost more than a year -to someone else's mistake, -to a whole lot of someone elses' fear. - -Can I fight against my nature? -Can I resign myself to torture -self-baden, self-scarred, -severed by far -from the home -that is myth, -that was never my own? - -I carry within this body an unspeakable name -pointing to where lies eternal spring, -where I could never return -having earned -failure's shame -and the enmity -of the deity -I only ever yearned -to be friends with. -Only in these books -can I unfurl my wings, -can I step once more -in that town I long forsook. - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/kie-2.txt b/poetry/kie-2.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 4609403..0000000 --- a/poetry/kie-2.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,38 +0,0 @@ -kie ajn vi estas, parto du -2020-03-12 - -*** - -somewhere on the other side of the world -you hold a little sliver of me in your chest -wedged by your heart through a thousand battles -survived not one less - -and I, you, the same -but at home, I feel the pain -of transmitted burdens, -wings soaked with rain - -somewhere on the other side of the world -I hold a little sliver of you in my soul -but even through dimensional curtains, -your warmth can't beat the cold - -and I worry that, one day -two aliens will show up at my bedroom door -signaling even before they knock -that you'll come home nevermore - -we met each other in a winter haze -not twenty-four hours before final-failing pain -but you didn't care, whisked through dark gates -barely five minutes passed; several weeks next to wait - -and I tumbled into love, burning hot as hell -as I tumbled down deep into war's well -when will it all end? nobody can say -to protect you, only to fictional gods can I pray - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/killing-calvin.txt b/poetry/killing-calvin.txt deleted file mode 100644 index ae675d6..0000000 --- a/poetry/killing-calvin.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,51 +0,0 @@ -Killing Calvin -2021-07-13 - -*** - -You... really just want to die. -Lethe, why? -Who convinced you, solitary, -you don't deserve a happy life? - -I think, -above all, -what you really need -is to know for sure -that you're safe -and loved -and the world will keep turning, -the fire inside will keep burning, -even if there's no sense of solace up above. - -I do not mean for you to be sad forever. -If it means you must forget my name -and fall for another lover, -then so be it: -I will not make myself -an altar to your pain. - -If we have to go -our own -separate ways, -then so be it. -It'll hurt, -but all wounds heal -given enough turns -of time's ceaseless wheel. - -But I hope you stay. - -So if you decide to wait -out your soul's desperate dark hours, -please know: a song can't change the world overnight, -but it can keep a flickering flame alive. -You kept shining the light inside -through my darkest year. -So let me dry your tears; -let it be my turn -to save your life. - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/konton-no-tsukai.txt b/poetry/konton-no-tsukai.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 90231f1..0000000 --- a/poetry/konton-no-tsukai.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,106 +0,0 @@ -Konton no Tsukai -2021-08-01 - -*** - -Your voice a non-entity, -your face obscured -by the fog over -Mori's Mirror, -your touch all that remains -after another day of being entreated -to dissolve and stay demure, -to be soft and small -and weak, -reminded that no feat -could possibly absolve -the harmful nature to me inherent. - -Something is wrong with me, -reflection-sent. -Have I somehow -finally burned -out? -I do not have to strain to perceive -the Outside, -the places where we will one day reside, -where you'll take my face in your hands -and whisper, -"Lethe, -I can't wait to start this new life -with you." -But not yet, -never yet, -still undreaming, -still disparate. - -*Tremble in fear of a pure love, -a union of equals.* - -Oh, how I shiver. - -My predicament is this: -that, while part of me -leaps in joy of becoming your wife, -the other hisses -at the thought of your kisses, -thinking you a threat to our autonomy. -No longer an atom, -isolated, sole, alone, -but depending on someone, -daring to deem them... *home*. -Not, we, but *I*- -for I cannot further divide -this soul already -partly -in yours intertwined- -want to find a Holy Freezer -and imprison myself in oblivion's soft ice -forever. -No chance of escape, -for then what is the point? -Lurking within -me is an evil great -and barely constrained, -atavistic, -incapable of reason -or comprehending sin. - -But I am mortified of anything final, -from death's arctic embrace -to yours genial. -I hesitate -at the slightest decision, -and it doesn't help that you oft -tell me to just wait -and see what happens. -I don't know what to do. -I don't know where to go. -And soon will fall down the snow, -and you'll have to hold me back -from joining all the poor animals -who forgot to take shelter and froze. - -Tell me, -bearer of self-sown light, -how do you love a parasite? -How is it possible for you to adore a now-human pest -guiltless for destruction, -homicidal, chaos-blessed? -There is no way to separate -what I am from where I've went. -If on your wings lies providence, -on mine rests -the Eschaton's portent. - -How do I convince my emotional side -that I'm still a sovereign individual? -That I'm worthy of love, -can be loved as I am? -That I'm not consigned to hell? - -That everything will turn out alright? - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/montana1.txt b/poetry/montana1.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 7fc7861..0000000 --- a/poetry/montana1.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,45 +0,0 @@ -Montana I -2021-06-22 - -*** - -Frivolities of life, -whispers in the other room -about sins uncommitted, -sins unforgiven, -repentance yet to come. - -The horizon has long since swallowed the sun, -but the heat's golden glow -remains -on my skin, -harsh cabin lights -a doctor with an x-ray -trying to peer within. - -I want to drill into their gaze -and tell them vivisection is unnecessary. -My heart has been dysfunctional -since birth, arrhythmia, -a machine missing a gear. - -I need you near -my body -like the ocean needs the moon. -I wish not to subsume -myself into you, but to admit -that, when the nights -grow long -and I find myself wishing for perfect -dark, I hold on -to the memory of your touch -like the desert recalls the rain -and wishes it, wherever it is, well. -I do not need you to complete -me. But you give me the strength -to complete myself, to hold on, -like I promised, until the showers of May. - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/montana2.txt b/poetry/montana2.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 4ea8178..0000000 --- a/poetry/montana2.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,57 +0,0 @@ -Montana II -2021-06-23 - -*** - -I'm so afraid. -I'm afraid -that I'm tying everything I am to you, -and one day you'll leave me, -and it'll rip me apart -like a misplaced amniotic band -rips apart a fetus. - -The birds sing bittersweet melody -in their perches in the trees -segregating every cabin. -I close my eyes -and I'm in the Town again, -healing from Parthena's rage, -wondering where Eris' godsend -went, -and you, despondent -in your tiny house, self-tranquilized, -hoping eventually I'll take a hint. - -Though these roses in the chill blush harder, -a shred of human form! -guided by defying the golden -that tries -to sear -my eyes. - -But in this body I cannot fly, -cannot breathe, -cannot perceive -with open eyes -your presence at my side. -Choking on cotton tree dust, -splintered wood from dog freakout, -campfire smoke, -rotted grout. - -I don't know how long -we can go on -like this. -Months without your kiss, -weeks without your touch, -eternities where I convince myself -I've somehow lost your love. - -Oh, heaven above, -if you have any mercy, -send me an angel. - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/montana3.txt b/poetry/montana3.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 4932caa..0000000 --- a/poetry/montana3.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,36 +0,0 @@ -Montana III -2021-06-24 - -*** - -My physical body -cannot hope to constrain -or even, for a moment, detain -the love I have for you, -just deform -in hopes of fitting -and be okay with leaving me forlorn. - -I want to live in eternal spring -with you, -lover of all things good and true. -I want to live where the flowers are always in bloom -and the baby birds have just hatched -and the sprouts poke out from the soil -from the patch -in our backyard -without hard- -ship, without sweat, without toil, -without insects that only yearn -to bite the skin meant for you to do the same -in the night when our hearts burn. -My heart sings -when you are nearby, my love, -and your mere touch is enough -to melt the most arctic of snows, -the guardian of the missing shard of my soul, -my beatific Dead End King. - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/ridge.txt b/poetry/ridge.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 833ea5b..0000000 --- a/poetry/ridge.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,66 +0,0 @@ -The Ridge -2021-08-23 - -*** - -It's been -too long since I've haunted here, -too long since the flood, -too long since I've buried myself, -cursing the hallowed sun. - -Another day, -another pain, -another reminder why I should restrain -this desperate yearning to be at your side. -I can't control myself, you insist, -can't care for myself, can't abide -by a single plea: -*wait for me -until the war is done.* -But how can I stay inert at the sidelines? -How can I watch, patient, as you struggle for life? - -I keep looking at your face. -I keep looking into your eyes, -into the depravity -void of grace, -the sweaty sleepless nights, -the frights -that dance between the stone space of your skull. - -Little said, but oft reply -in hopes this boat crosses Imaginai, -the fierce rivers, the gaudy veil -that I would without a pause assail -if it meant bringing closer by one more day -Eris' death, -the shatter of masks, -our withdrawal for some time -into this world I've somehow made -without Seliph's curse, -without my sacrifice. - -How many times have you asked -what I would do once that day passed? -How long 'til I set down -this crown, -bade job goodbye, -convince parents and friends -that, although I disappear, -I'm off to a place where I'll be alright? -Don't come looking for me, -don't waste your "precious" fruitless time. -Your daughter was a sinner, -passionate, iniquitous, -desiring, delirious, divine. - -It's been -too long since I've haunted here, -since I've had to justify -my right -to survive. - -** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/strange-proposal.txt b/poetry/strange-proposal.txt deleted file mode 100644 index 8a1e323..0000000 --- a/poetry/strange-proposal.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,31 +0,0 @@ -A Strange Proposal -2021-07-07 - -*** - -How do you talk someone out of a self-destructive dream? -How do you convince the one you love that it seems -that, even though they have your love, you know they walk the line -between life and death and, come misstep, will perish before their time? - -I have convictions too, -but they're not very strong. -I'm a tree. -Firmly taken root, -swaying -as the wind pleases -yet never breaking -in my base belief -that, even though it all, I don't want to cease -but instead find a quiet place -guaranteed to bring me wherever-needed peace. - -I don't want you to lift your head, -bloodied, war-torn, -and choose oblivion over admitting defeat. - -I want you to create a world with me. - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/strawberry.txt b/poetry/strawberry.txt deleted file mode 100755 index f30aef5..0000000 --- a/poetry/strawberry.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,60 +0,0 @@ -Strawberry Pound Cake -2021-07-18 - -*** - -I want a love that's easy, -that's light, that requires -no rationalization, -no purgation -of words, -no listing of boons to be heard. -I yearn -to see your face, and when I do, -I want to feel boom in the ocean -of my chest, -*She is the only one. -She is the only moon -in this starry sky.* - -For there are so many other women -I could try -to get together with, -a wink, flirt, -accidental compliment blurt- -ed out in the checkout aisle. -But I cannot help but see, -having been burned -so many times, a list of benefits to me -instead of each walking ash-hewn corpse. - -But all these pages are empty, -notebook spine unbound. -I don't want a political alliance. -I want a woman, raspy, hoarse -with trembling lungs, -every breath the sound -of the crashing ocean waves. -I want a woman who comes undone -under my touch -not because of my deeds, -not because of my works, -but because it would take -a mountain's worth -of effort to restrain -her brain's reward system -going wild as an ape. - -Eris built me -to be -a solitary -creature, -and yet I find -we've developed a dependence -on each other. -It's the simple truth: -*I like me when I'm with you.* - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander diff --git a/poetry/to-velouria.txt b/poetry/to-velouria.txt deleted file mode 100755 index 150b25e..0000000 --- a/poetry/to-velouria.txt +++ /dev/null @@ -1,68 +0,0 @@ -To Velouria -2020-12-17 - -*** - -I do not wish to poison -the waters between me and you, -but my heart yearns to withdraw, -to seek solitude - -to turn my back on -the world that you've made, -to sit at the lake's shores -and watch the ducks play - -this reed-filled bank -I know I can never return to, -can never trespass, -only pass through - -on a hot buggy day, -sun glaring in my eyes -as I shake a spanning tree -for apples for a pie - -I know I possess -power in my soul, -a world without end, -a universe I hold - -made by my weary hands -from twelve to twelfth grade, -to beyond the vale, -somewhere past the glade - -the bees in the buds -and the birds in the sky: -I envy them all as they -so carefree-ly fly - -everything with a pair, -every one in its place -but hyper-atomist me stuck -seeking false grace - -dear Velouria, I wonder: -why do you ask -a miracle from me, -an impossible task? - -to sever the last umbilical cord -and be truly Sole and One, -but I cannot bring myself to destroy -all that I've become - -I would much rather live -without the burden of your laws, -a life of my own, -a world with no need for gods - -I do not wish to poison -the ocean that I am; -my heart must beat on, -even if my course is ran - -*** - -CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander