2024-01-04

poetry/b/better-version.txt

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+Better Version
+2021-08-07
+
+***
+
+I want freedom.
+I want pain.
+I want a life not even a little bit the same
+as this one I would willingly leave behind.
+Sound of rain,
+feel of earth,
+the pounding in my ribs of a heart filled with mirth,
+un-divorced from purpose,
+no more urges to abstain
+from what brings me
+ecstasy
+in fear of making things worse.
+
+It happened that, when first I put
+pen to paper (metaphorical),
+at least after Laika's lull,
+I yearned to shed my human skin,
+human thoughts,
+human inhibition,
+and tear inside Adversary's flesh
+to see their cowardice within.
+I fantasized of breaking vows,
+of throwing away all goodwill
+to be Eris' retribution
+to a world where avarice reigned still.
+
+But as rains of April gave way
+to adult burdens and ides of May,
+the oceans calmed.
+And came a psalm
+from one who to Eris always prayed.
+I told Lethe
+to keep
+her distance,
+to not smother Catharsis,
+but she did anyway,
+too overwhelmed with joy
+at having finally taken Mirror's helm
+to remember how to rage.
+
+To remember how to hate.
+
+"Isn't it only fair
+that a creator
+should care for their creation?
+Isn't it only just
+that I, dear Lethe,
+seemingly incapable of how to seethe,
+am the emissary of the Eschaton?"
+
+How ironic, mirrored face,
+finally convinced
+not to tear enemies apace,
+should now
+turn around
+the same words about how
+I should grant my antagonists grace,
+that I should stop expecting
+a mass defecting
+from their lockstep march to oblivion in all haste.
+
+"Lethe, your family is stuck in its ways.
+They've stagnated,
+incapable of change
+that would make your life any easier to bear.
+Forget them. Tear
+yourself away as much as you can
+until the day comes keys drop into your hands
+for a place all your own.
+The seeds have been sown.
+The gears are in motion.
+Lethe,
+please,
+live long enough to see this to fruition."
+
+I want to be trees
+and rivers
+and sunlight through a bedroom window.
+
+I want to be the shiver
+down my lover's spine.
+I want to be convinced
+all will turn out alright.
+
+I want, more than anything,
+to
+soon
+in my new world alight.
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/b/birdgazing.txt

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+Birdgazing
+2022-04-09
+
+***
+
+I locked eyes with a robin this morning,
+sitting outside my bedroom window
+perched on one of the branches of the bush
+that was once a tree, cut down in fear, still adamant to grow.
+I thought of you, helpless in bed, maybe snoring,
+maybe silent as a hush,
+and how I wished I could be there
+to your exhausted body take care.
+
+For I gave you everything I had to give
+for you to claim your future back
+under one condition: that, at the end, you live.
+You burnt every candle down,
+dissolved every bathtime bomb,
+spent every rainy day stash
+I had,
+even accepted my blood.
+I wish
+it hadn't taken this
+for you to finally accept
+you were the Equinox,
+the harbinger of balance,
+all along.
+
+When I'm with you,
+I feel like I've been born anew.
+My mistakes no longer imposing weight,
+the past's pain
+all washed away.
+Or about to be reborn,
+invalid, palliate,
+you gently taking care of me
+until arrives my death date.
+Your touch is so tender, my love,
+healing, magic, sunlight.
+You know I'd do anything for you.
+So let me nurse you back to life.
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/b/biz_ego_gun.txt

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+Biz Ego Gun
+2023-03-18
+
+***
+
+Gebo and Inguz both inverted tell me
+that impoverishment, the poverty
+of my life is still ongoing
+even if I get the job
+that interview was for that I worked so hard on.
+Returning to a paycheck doesn't change
+the emptiness in the days
+or the shit I find all over the floor
+or the listless afternoons
+I mean to do
+something but just lie still in bed, bored.
+
+"Having a job doesn't replace
+the need for improvement, the urge to change
+the things in life you can't tolerate
+any longer, the duty
+only you carry
+to a brand new world create."
+
+But I can't do it without you.
+And ever since you entered
+college, I feel like our bond
+is growing weary, if not severed.
+I rarely see you anymore,
+never feel the weight
+of your world-bearing arms resting on my ribcage.
+
+This is what I feared,
+what I never wanted to replicate
+between us, much less when we entered Sablade.
+Every stereotypical straight
+couple only in name,
+living two separate lives,
+upright
+but may as well have died
+for all you can look into their eyes
+and see freedom's spark, love's light.
+
+I made Sablade so that we'd have a home
+even if neither could work. So, Jett,
+if you promise, I'll do the same:
+don't work yourself all the way to the bone.
+
+"Lethe, this isn't the end of the road.
+You and I've still got a long way to go.
+If you promise, I'll also follow through:
+cherish this time,
+but every day I'll remind
+who you really belong to."
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/b/blizzard-girl.txt

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+blizzard girl
+2021-04-14
+
+***
+
+love will cost
+me my sanity,
+cover my heart in frost,
+a warning I did not heed.
+
+you come near
+and I freeze in fear,
+your palms algid, giving me
+all the slightest provocation.
+
+in life briefing,
+I was told
+to expect the cold
+inherent in every human being.
+
+but the soul council
+must not have heard
+of you, the blizzard
+girl.
+
+but the soul council
+must have forgotten the chill,
+the inevitable winter
+after every soul splinters.
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander