2024-01-04

poetry/f/falantaj-folioj.txt

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+falantaj folioj
+2016-11-02
+
+***
+
+longer days, longer nights
+summer was supposed to be our passage of rite
+maybe I've got my words mixed around
+I don’t think my head's on right
+
+falling leaves, time to leave
+everything you've ever known
+and go farther away to get closer
+it’s confusing, I know
+
+I’m sorry that nothing has stayed
+and everything has changed
+you must feel so alone
+
+maybe I'm just talking to myself
+
+I press my hand against the walls of my new room
+white and full of potential
+I wonder what stories of the previous owners they held
+I’m not a detective
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/fantomurbo.txt

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+fantomurbo
+2020-02-24
+
+***
+
+welcome to the edge of the world
+where the souls of the dead come to rest
+grab a stick and a boat
+and wander down the river at our behest
+
+don't mind the ghosts in the kitchen
+prepaid to stay behind on earth
+hands crossed on top of their chest
+dehydrated smiles twisted in mirth
+
+here, take these old bones of mine
+I mounted them on the walls years ago
+serving no purpose any longer
+without their long-gone owner
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/fatali.txt

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+fatali
+2018-12-01
+
+***
+
+DEFILED
+DEMURED
+LOST IN CENSURE
+
+CAST OUT
+MADE BLIND
+NO LONGER DIVINE
+
+I WILL MARK MY OWN FATE
+I WILL CHOOSE MY OWN PATH
+OR I WILL GO UP IN FLAMES
+FOR THE WHOLE WORLD TO SEE
+
+AND AT THE EDGE OF ETERNITY
+YOU WILL ASK:
+WHO WAS I?
+WHO COULD HAVE I BEEN?
+
+If Neocities was paradise,
+then I am Eve
+from Eden, no longer beholden
+for daring to believe
+something verboten
+
+and much like there, the fediverse is yet the same
+being queer's the praxis, shitposting's the game
+and yet we tear each up with our words
+with misunderstanding
+and thunder
+like we've become animals
+in yet another herd
+
+you let blind anger run through your veins
+consuming you from the inside
+like a wildfire run rampant and free
+
+you become like a damned animal
+at the slightest provocation
+a hellhound, made for nothing more than weeping
+and gnashing of meat and bone alike
+
+not fit for civilization
+or wilderness alike
+where do you belong? the air?
+or on the end of a pike
+
+you see a picture of your fave,
+you click without processing
+like an automaton
+click, click, click
+
+does this bring you fulfillment?
+does this satisfy your soul?
+a machine for someone else's validation
+senselessly trying to fill a hole
+
+is this the fate you wanted?
+is this the end you meant to procure?
+and if you answer yes:
+are you really so sure?
+
+begone, ye ghosts! lest you turn me
+into a fictional entity I was never meant to be
+I'll admit I've my doubts; I'll admit I've no sure mind
+but in my life, this is mine and mine alone to find
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/father-no-longer.txt

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+Father No Longer
+2021-07-09
+
+***
+
+Father seems like just a figment
+of my imagination, a decade
+of watching my feelings for him fade away,
+of wondering where the bond between us went.
+
+For I remember in the summer days
+of longing, how he caught me writing poetry
+about my first love, who'd cheated on me,
+and flew into a rage
+and took away my phone and severed me from my friends
+until I knelt at his feet and promised him my verses would end.
+
+But nowadays I spend my time
+letting freely flow my Muse's rhymes
+without the fear of his censorship
+forcing me to choose between "death" and "quit".
+Oh, I repeat myself. Both are the same.
+How could I ever try to tame
+the ocean's tides
+that churn inside,
+to quell the life
+I've built
+brick
+by brick
+all for myself?
+
+You heard my cry. You answered the call.
+And you understood how enthralled
+I am with words, and how I must oblige
+the beating world that churns inside.
+Father and I could never see eye-to-eye.
+He could never convince me why I should deny
+my feelings, my yearnings for a new world,
+to silence my soul and let greatness pass by.
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/female-urge.txt

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+The Female Urge To...
+2022-03-11
+
+***
+
+If I was the one most despised,
+then why
+was I
+the one that survived?
+
+Why did my siblings deign,
+seeing death was imminent
+and Chronos would get his way
+to remake the world in his image,
+decide
+that the one who also destroys
+and has never for a single moment known love
+be the one who the divine
+genocide
+survived?
+
+Which one of my siblings looked at me and thought
+that what the infant world needed was destruction's favorite god?
+Who spun their ceasing gaze
+towards my way
+and blessed me human so I Chronos forgot?
+
+It's a gaze I've come
+to become
+familiar with,
+this insistence
+that I'm not a burden,
+that I'm not by presence hurting,
+that to keep breathing I don't have to earn.
+
+But no matter how many times I fish for my mother's pity,
+I can't bring myself to, when her mouth makes the sound
+that I'm a blessing to all those around,
+her strained declaration believe.
+
+"But if you knew
+all that I've put people through,
+would you
+still feel the same?"
+
+Sharpened by heartache,
+tempered by pain,
+forged in despair,
+I, bond-breaking blade?
+
+*Whatever you did is dead and gone
+and in so many worlds away.
+There are enough armchair Christs.
+Stop self-inflicting pain.*
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/feverdream2009.txt

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+Fever Dream 2009
+2021-01-22
+
+***
+
+in the dwindling space,
+suddenly it was unsafe
+to from end to end let his feet pace,
+the only race he could do was think
+that soon the room would once again shrink
+
+in the expanding bed,
+rapidly convinced he was dead
+from the burning in his body and visions in his head,
+he clutched his pillow and mustered up a throw
+to the floor to watch it become a plateau
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/firebrand.txt

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+firebrand
+2019-01-01
+
+***
+
+before, in your grief, you say
+"everything sucks, and nothing is okay"
+just remember how you used to watch the trees sway
+
+in the death- the absence of light
+watching the hands of midnight
+scrape their twisted twiggy fingers, locked in eternal fight
+
+take heart, little one! remember your name
+chosen by yourself, pains taken care that it was not the same
+as the people who took joy in you being the one they should defame
+
+do not discard yourself to the tomb just yet and become a recluse
+you think there is light there, but it is just a ruse
+to detach you from humanity and rob you of your muse
+
+you have far greater things in life still yet to achieve
+you have friends, a lover, family, who in you they believe
+just remember: for everything, if you insist, have a good reason to leave
+
+if they drag you into the night, don't be afraid to wrack up a storm
+take pride in who you are, and in your human form!
+a god you are not, and a girl you shall stay
+in terms of bodily functions, anyway
+
+do not shy away from the natural state of the human condition
+lest you lose grasp on reality and cause your own perdition
+
+remember that there is no such thing as perfection in life
+there is always still more work to be done, more things to cause strife
+
+you are destined for greatness! now go, and make peace!
+and bring hope for the future to the very least of these!
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/flickering.txt

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+Flickering Out
+2021-03-24
+
+***
+
+The wax pulses down
+like an open wound,
+a devilish smile opened
+in a girl dying too soon.
+
+Blue blood curdling
+once hit the glass floor,
+air pockets exposed,
+red rings open sores.
+
+A wick that burns all too fast
+dilapidated spine,
+head singed through, lungs diffused,
+no longer able to opine.
+
+The bottom drips cut off,
+a mannequin without legs,
+smooth rump, top half missing,
+burning the last of the dregs.
+
+What was once a cheerful face
+is now a murky puddle
+at my brassy feet.
+A fading all too subtle.
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt

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+forgesitaj memoroj
+2016-06-07
+
+***
+
+there could be a person in your life
+who you feel is the one, will be the one
+and then is a stranger in the end
+diverting stares across the bus aisle
+
+there could be a person in your life
+who is just a stranger now
+sitting quietly in math class alone
+and end up being your sunrise and sunset
+
+cherished veils fade from white to red with the fights
+and then to black again with the silence
+crumbles to gray with the moths
+and drops in dust after time
+
+how many people share a single neuron in my brain
+forgotten to time but still imprinted somewhere
+hiding in the chime of a bell, a burnt corner of the world
+how many thousands of brains do I reside in
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/f/forgive-me-marcel.txt

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+forgive me, Marcel
+2020-02-29
+
+***
+
+being alive is the knowledge
+that above my house, the full moon is pure white
+but higher upstate, traveled at the wee hours of the morning
+it's pink paper stretched over the frame of a kite
+
+and the sprinklers watering the fields
+rarely needed human supervision
+casting ghosts like fog on the side of the road
+fodder for a five-year-old imagination
+
+the radios plead for us to wait for someone
+but last I waited, I nearly withered away
+the world unfolds before me in technicolor vision
+congrats, you survived to a brand new day
+
+headlights drag themselves across the highway
+with sleepless eyes and desperate hearts
+I wish I could show you in more colors
+than purple and crimson apart
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander