lethe/mayvaneday
1
0
Fork 0
Code Releases Activity

first commit

Browse source
This commit is contained in:
Mori Aokigahara 2021-11-12 20:02:11 -06:00
commit 289d9cb49b
273 changed files with 12085 additions and 0 deletions
Download patch file Download diff file Expand all files Collapse all files

38
blog/2019/april/honkpill.html Executable file
View file

@ -0,0 +1,38 @@
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html lang="en">
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>The Honkpill - Archive - MayVaneDay Studios</title>
<link href="../../../style.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="all">
<meta name="author" content="Vane Vander">
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
</head>
<body class="mayvaneday">
<article>
<div class="box">
<h1>The Honkpill</h1>
<p>published: 2019-04-11</p>
</div>
<hr>
<div class="box">
<p>Outside of the text-only internet, you might have seen a meme of a squished Pepe with a clown costume on floating around. A rainbow afro and a red nose, which he honks in unabated glee at the chaos unfolding around him. And as much as I dislike centering my worldview on what some memesters in the darkest reaches of the internet have brewed up, Clown Pepe seems an apt mascot for this weird and wild timeline we've seemed to split ourselves into and the utter inanity that has become the new normal.</p>
<p>From the same places that gave birth to Clown Pepe are the concept of the "pills", which represent various outlooks one could adopt to attempt to keep themselves sane:</p>
<ul>
<li>the "red pill", favorite of MGTOWites and generally right-leaning men and origin of the chad-virgin dichotomy.</li>
<li>the blue pill, widely considered the opposite of the red pill and either used as <a href="https://archive.md/20200821212438/https://www.reddit.com/r/thebluepill">purposeful satire</a> to critique red pill views or as an insult by red-pillers towards anyone who's a "beta cuck nu-male".</li>
<li>the <a href="https://archive.md/20200821212709/https://www.reddit.com/r/PunchingMorpheus">purple pill</a>, which seeks a peace and understanding between the two major genders as opposed to the red pill's stance of women meaning to be submissive and men being locked into an eternal fight of proving their "chadness".</li>
<li>the blackpill, often peddled by "doomers" and ultra-nihilists, which claims that everything sucks, nothing is okay, and nothing will ever get better again- humanity is already doomed.</li>
</ul>
<p>These aren't the only pills that exist, but they're the ones I know of off the top of my head, and since there are only so many colors to choose from and people have resorted to just using any old nouns for their nounpills now, I don't want to waste your time.</p>
<p>Here is where the honkpill comes in. Take the bleak outlook of the blackpill, with all its hopelessness and despair at the disintegration of the surrounding world- but instead of lying down and dying, you choose to continue to live. You choose to be happy, in spite of the news and the Onion becoming one and the same, in spite of the increasing polarization in the political sphere, in spite of the impending societal collapse. Things are weird, and maybe you don't have the mental energy or capacity to fully untangle what's going on around you, but you're going to have a good time in the midst of it all nonetheless.</p>
<p>So instead of putting a pistol in your mouth, you put a red honker on your nose, and you embrace the chaos with a grin on your face.</p>
<p>The honkpill is happiness. The honkpill is hope.</p>
<p>Honk honk!</p>
</div>
<hr>
<div class="box">
<p align=right>CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 &copy; Vane Vander</p>
</div>
</article>
</body>
</html>

49
blog/2019/april/run-every-day.html Executable file
View file

@ -0,0 +1,49 @@
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html lang="en">
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>run every day - Archive - MayVaneDay Studios</title>
<link href="../../../style.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="all">
<meta name="author" content="Vane Vander">
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
</head>
<body class="mayvaneday">
<article>
<div class="box">
<h1>run every day</h1>
<p>published: 2019-04-20</p>
</div>
<hr>
<div class="box">
<p>There will never be a good intro to this post. There will never be an opening statement I can put here that will make me sound any less crazy than I already am.</p>
<p>But that's okay.</p>
<p>Two summers ago, I fell in love with a genre of music I'd like to call &quot;gardenpunk&quot;. Generally calm yet raw, punctuated with riffs trailing off into the distance and screaming about being lonely and not happy anymore. Most of the indie songs I had downloaded that fit that, I've long since lost, but <a href="https://archive.md/20200821212905/https://fistbenders.bandcamp.com/">Fist Benders</a> is the only one that seems to have stayed, endured the test of time and my shitty memory. Lying sprawled out on the carpet in my room at my grandma's house, light spilling in from the blinded windows, curtains drawn back and restrained with lacy skirt-like things like two angels in one-shouldered dresses.</p>
<blockquote>
<p>Sometimes life is fun,<br /> I am upside down,<br /> you are far away,<br /> everyone's selfish,<br /> we all want someone<br /> to share our story with.</p>
<p>- Fist Benders, &quot;Understanding&quot;</p>
</blockquote>
<p>Really, the only reason I happened to remember them on this particular day was because of a deep-seated restlessness coming to a head. A pervading sense that there was <em>something</em> before this life, chopped up into bite-sized segments and by my subconscious and sprinkled into my dreams without abandon.</p>
<p>There's a beginning, and there's certainly a middle, but there's no end. Just a blank space, a blot in the book of history where the words trail off into nothing. Ohio State University published a <a href="https://web.archive.org/web/20161228160444/http://researchnews.osu.edu/archive/exptaking.htm">study in 2012</a> stating that, &quot;when you 'lose yourself' inside the world of a fictional character while reading a story, you may actually end up changing your own behavior and thoughts to match that of the character...&quot; Which would explain the itch in my chest, since these stories never show the end of the character's life, just the middle part where all the <em>good</em> stuff happens. Nobody ever wants to see, or even cares to see, their famed hero live out the rest of their lives happy and content and growing old in the world they've created.</p>
<p>And yet...</p>
<p>And yet.</p>
<p>In a different sort of light, I- and multiple other people here in the gophersphere- have expressed a similar sort of deep-seated restlessness, discontent, dissatisfaction with life here. <a href="https://archive.md/20200821213128/https://proxy.vulpes.one/gopher/baud.baby/0/phlog/fs20190414.txt">Cat's boredom with the constant tech talk</a>, <a href="https://archive.md/20200821213302/https://gopher.tildeverse.org/1436.ninja/0/Phlog/20190414.post">the person behind RPoD's desire for the end of the world, if only to burn down all that is fake and surrounds us</a>. There is something wrong with this world around us, and much like a caged animal pacing around in its own confines, we are painfully aware that there is little you or I can do about it. Like we each want to escape to our own personal Rennicas, a world where the decisions of people half the world away don't affect us, a world without tyrranical governmental surveillance and abusive technology.</p>
<p>The anxiety's been pouring into my dreams. It's the same script over and over: my parents break some treasured possession of mine, furious at some indistinct slight my brain is too terrified to give a coherent shape to. They give preferential treatment to my brothers, who are allowed to laze around and take whatever they like from me without recourse. I get fed up and take flight with only what I can fit in my backpack, and they give unrelenting chase, a fatal jailbreak that always ends in me waking up pissed as hell.</p>
<p>I can't move out because I have little to no money, and I can't pay back the college debts I've been forced by my father to accrue because I have little to no money, and I can't get a job to earn money because I'm stuck instead in a place that sucks in money and spits out nothing of value in return. So, much like the Windows user that's read over all the instructions to install Linux but finds themselves mortified at the thought of accidentally deleting all their data and breaking their computer, I sit here, a boat needing to leave the shore but unable to leave the dock.</p>
<p>So this stress, at least for me, materializes in minimalism. An incessant desire to make oneself as small as possible. Maybe in the hopes of becoming <em>so</em> small that, when the boot comes down to crush me, I'll just fall in the cracks instead. If I'm small, and I don't make noise, and I don't <em>feel</em> anything, don't take up any space, nobody will be angry at me, right?</p>
<p>But the problem with minimalism is that the logical conclusion for it is for one to cease to exist. <a href="../../../poetry/p/prepari.txt">To cleave the night and leave the world unseen.</a> Comfort and happiness and pleasure are not inherently bad things! It's when these things come at the expense of other people or one's own well-being that they need to be reined in. Art, like bacteria and microbes, do not flourish in a sterile environment like the extremes of minimalism require, and they're both necessary for life.</p>
<p>I'll be an ardent minimalist when I'm dead and gone and don't require anything anymore!</p>
<p>To summarize, here's a reply I saw on 8chan one day, dug up out of my screenshots folder:</p>
<blockquote>
&gt;&gt;1038589<br /> Don't try to be a minimalist. Minimalism is pure mental illness, depression to be specific. Don't fall for it. Instead you should aim to use the best tool for the job. If it turns out some tiny image viewer is the best then use that but make sure that's true. Don't start using some gimped piece of ass because some guy with a 16gb RAM 500gb SSD Ryzen 7 or some shit is installing gentoo and talking about how st is way more minimal than xterm.
</blockquote>
<p>While I don't agree with the extremism of the post, and the inverse- purposely using as bloated as possible software- isn't a good situation either, it's the core idea I like. Use the right tools for the job. Minimalism can be a fun experiment, or a way to squeeze as much life as possible out of old and aging hardware, or a strategy to leave one as little exposed as possible security-wise, but pursuing it for purely its own sake, it can leave one feeling rather... empty inside.</p>
<p>So to Cat and the RPoD writer, I'd say: it's okay if you want to take a break. Moving on to something that leaves you feeling more fulfilled at the end of the day is a perfectly valid strategy. Hell, I should probably cut back on my own rampant Gopher usage as well. Four holes, one of which I don't even update anymore, all of which give me massive anxiety whenever it comes time to publish a post since I have to remember to keep everything the same on each and every one of them.</p>
<p>What I wouldn't give for my own server...</p>
</div>
<hr>
<div class="box">
<p align=right>CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 &copy; Vane Vander</p>
</div>
</article>
</body>
</html>

33
blog/2019/april/weest-in-peace.html Executable file
View file

@ -0,0 +1,33 @@
<!DOCTYPE html>
<html lang="en">
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>Weest In Peace - Archive - MayVaneDay Studios</title>
<link href="../../../style.css" rel="stylesheet" type="text/css" media="all">
<meta name="author" content="Vane Vander">
<meta name="viewport" content="width=device-width, initial-scale=1.0">
</head>
<body class="mayvaneday">
<article>
<div class="box">
<h1>Weest In Peace</h1>
<p>published: 2019-04-01</p>
</div>
<hr>
<div class="box">
<p>There exists a species of person on the internet I'd like to describe as a "Discord bro". Their native habitat is, as their name suggests, the proprietary chat service Discord, wherein they join (or perhaps create) dozens of servers in which to spam ironic memes and discuss how this makes them so much better than "those normies", all while completely ignoring the <a href="https://archive.md/20200821213424/https://spyware.neocities.org/articles/discord.html">completely unethical</a> <a href="https://archive.md/20200821213643/https://stallman.org/discord.html">nature of Discord.</a> They're almost exclusively male and avid video game fans- although, I should note as to avoid sounding like a third-wave feminist harpy screeching, these two things, whether alone or apart, aren't necessarily good or bad either way. But when paired with Discord, you generally get a person who desperately wants to stand apart from the crowd, but just ends up being another cookie-cutter shape.</p>
<p>In short, being a user of a corporate proprietary chat service is not a replacement for a personality.</p>
<p>Generally, I can ignore these kinds of people. But Weest, one of the people I <em>was</em> subscribed to on the Big Red, recently put out a <a href="https://invidious.snopyta.org/watch?v=_c2Oui8DtyM">new video</a> in which he baits a scammer pretending to be a would-be sponsor into sponsoring a dedicated video to his shitty Pokemon-Go-meets-Monopoly game, only to completely shit on the game. Which is all fine and dandy and interesting, despite being a "Discord bro".</p>
<p>What set me off in this instance was the intro, in which he explains why sponsors flood his business email. He spends a few moments (about three minutes in) describing the demographics of his audience: young gamer men who use Discord, essentially. And immediately after, he remarks how this makes him "valuable" and how his manager "uses those numbers" when he reaches out to people.</p>
<p>Am I nothing but a number to you, Weest? Am I just a pair of eyes you and your handler uses when trying to decide who will sponsor your bread and circuses today?</p>
<p>I know it's a lot of "much ado about nothing", double since the "unsubscribe and get on with your life" button exists, but <em>god damn</em>, do I hate being dehumanized in the name of money, in the name of someone else's ego!</p>
<p>But it's not just overweight boys with a weird sense of humor (that I actually somewhat overlap with on occasion) that are the problem here; it's the entire industry of "internet influencers" rampant on the HTTP. You are just a number; your body is not your own; your mind belongs to us. Submit to advertising. Download this shitty mobile game so that I can go on not contributing much of anything to society, make things that will be forgotten about by next week, much less next century or the rest of eternity. Who cares about questions of existence, of mortality, of art and beauty and what it means to be a human on this wretched and divine piece of rock? Let's talk about the petty drama of the week. Let's talk about sad people doing sad things in their sad homes.</p>
<p>Let's talk about memes.</p>
</div>
<hr>
<div class="box">
<p align=right>CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 &copy; Vane Vander</p>
</div>
</article>
</body>
</html>