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poetry/k/konton-no-tsukai.txt

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+Konton no Tsukai
+2021-08-01
+
+***
+
+Your voice a non-entity,
+your face obscured
+by the fog over
+Mori's Mirror,
+your touch all that remains
+after another day of being entreated
+to dissolve and stay demure,
+to be soft and small
+and weak,
+reminded that no feat
+could possibly absolve
+the harmful nature to me inherent.
+
+Something is wrong with me,
+reflection-sent.
+Have I somehow
+finally burned
+out?
+I do not have to strain to perceive
+the Outside,
+the places where we will one day reside,
+where you'll take my face in your hands
+and whisper,
+"Lethe,
+I can't wait to start this new life
+with you."
+But not yet,
+never yet,
+still undreaming,
+still disparate.
+
+*Tremble in fear of a pure love,
+a union of equals.*
+
+Oh, how I shiver.
+
+My predicament is this:
+that, while part of me
+leaps in joy of becoming your wife,
+the other hisses
+at the thought of your kisses,
+thinking you a threat to our autonomy.
+No longer an atom,
+isolated, sole, alone,
+but depending on someone,
+daring to deem them... *home*.
+Not, we, but *I*-
+for I cannot further divide
+this soul already
+partly
+in yours intertwined-
+want to find a Holy Freezer
+and imprison myself in oblivion's soft ice
+forever.
+No chance of escape,
+for then what is the point?
+Lurking within
+me is an evil great
+and barely constrained,
+atavistic,
+incapable of reason
+or comprehending sin.
+
+But I am mortified of anything final,
+from death's arctic embrace
+to yours genial.
+I hesitate
+at the slightest decision,
+and it doesn't help that you oft
+tell me to just wait
+and see what happens.
+I don't know what to do.
+I don't know where to go.
+And soon will fall down the snow,
+and you'll have to hold me back
+from joining all the poor animals
+who forgot to take shelter and froze.
+
+Tell me,
+bearer of self-sown light,
+how do you love a parasite?
+How is it possible for you to adore a now-human pest
+guiltless for destruction,
+homicidal, chaos-blessed?
+There is no way to separate
+what I am from where I've went.
+If on your wings lies providence,
+on mine rests
+the Eschaton's portent.
+
+How do I convince my emotional side
+that I'm still a sovereign individual?
+That I'm worthy of love,
+can be loved as I am?
+That I'm not consigned to hell?
+
+That everything will turn out alright?
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander