new poem: Carmine Red
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poetry/c/carmine.txt
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poetry/c/carmine.txt
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Carmine Red
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2022-03-06
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***
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March is Women's History
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Month. Time to sit
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down and reflect on all the shit
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my ancestors went through
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so that I could be
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here today, collapsed in bed,
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distressed,
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wracked with anxiety,
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in desperate need to be exhumed
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from this disintegrating body.
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I'm forgetting my own herstory.
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Past entries in my journals
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are becoming letters from foreign countries,
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the other timelines where I am well,
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doing well,
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not at the bottom of a well.
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The other timelines where I am making things
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of worldwide importance,
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where on my childhood detractors
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I've gotten revenge.
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Not wishing I was a bird
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like those outside that now return
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in preparation for spring.
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It could have been so much worse.
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Straitjacket, locked up, never heard
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from again. Maybe lobotomized.
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How many geniuses have met their demise
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at the hands of a crude scalpel,
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I wonder? And I, here,
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how could I in this day or now convince
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the padded-wall jailers
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that the other soul that resides in me means well?
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"She has dominion over
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every part of me,
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but *noli timere*: I have no desire
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to harm my family."
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Who would lis-
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ten, not lock me up for ten
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days, weeks, months, years
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until I renounced this world within me so dear?
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Tell me, can you hear the screams
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from behind
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tied-
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on masks plastered with smiles
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for the crime
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of omitting domestic servitude from one's dreams?
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Can you feel on your hands the blood spilled
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from God's unwanted "blessing" that might instead kill
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when it comes to term, woman coming to terms
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that the Son who bled with promise to save
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won't give her better than wires with which to lacerate?
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Can you see how bright is
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the future we might have had
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if every woman brilliance
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was not snubbed out at every chance?
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The sheer weight
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is enough to make
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anyone go insane.
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I'm forgetting my own herstory.
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It seems some days
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that things have forever been this way,
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each day bleeding into the next,
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record on repeat.
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The slightest bit of thawing heat
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feels like a bitter attack:
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how dare I be reminded that
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this isn't all I've ever had.
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How dare anything have the audacity to remind
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that one day I won't anymore be able to hide.
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There will come a day when the sky
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breaks and lets in cleansing sunshine.
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And I'll have to look my mother in the face.
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And I'll have to tell her that when I die
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I'm going to a completely different place
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than Heaven or Hell.
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I'm going to remember the hell
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that the men of all history have inflicted
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and make a new world where to be what I am
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is not a sin, not gravely iniquitous.
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And she'll have to confer with Father and decide
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if what I've done
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is grave enough
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to warrant the psych ward's involuntary hold.
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This is my birthright as a female, isn't it?
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The padded room's blistering cold.
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***
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CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander
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@ -24,6 +24,7 @@ iC
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0confectionery contempt c/confectionery-contempt.txt
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0crescendo c/crescendo.txt
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0That Ain't Chocolate, Son c/choco.txt
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0Carmine Red c/carmine.txt
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iD
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0daybreak d/daybreak.txt
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@ -21,6 +21,7 @@
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=> c/confectionery-contempt.txt confectionery contempt
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=> c/crescendo.txt crescendo
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=> c/choco.txt That Ain't Chocolate, Son
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=> c/carmine.txt Carmine Red
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## D
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=> d/daybreak.txt daybreak
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@ -3,27 +3,24 @@
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<head>
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<meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=UTF-8">
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<meta name="Author" content="Made by 'tree'">
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="$Version: $ tree v1.8.0 (c) 1996 - 2018 by Steve Baker, Thomas Moore, Francesc Rocher, Florian Sesser, Kyosuke Tokoro $">
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<meta name="GENERATOR" content="$Version: $ tree v2.0.2 (c) 1996 - 2022 by Steve Baker, Thomas Moore, Francesc Rocher, Florian Sesser, Kyosuke Tokoro $">
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<title>Directory Tree</title>
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<style type="text/css">
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<!--
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BODY { font-family : ariel, monospace, sans-serif; }
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P { font-weight: normal; font-family : ariel, monospace, sans-serif; color: black; background-color: transparent;}
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B { font-weight: normal; color: black; background-color: transparent;}
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A:visited { font-weight : normal; text-decoration : none; background-color : transparent; margin : 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding : 0px 0px 0px 0px; display: inline; }
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A:link { font-weight : normal; text-decoration : none; margin : 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding : 0px 0px 0px 0px; display: inline; }
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A:hover { color : #000000; font-weight : normal; text-decoration : underline; background-color : yellow; margin : 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding : 0px 0px 0px 0px; display: inline; }
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A:active { color : #000000; font-weight: normal; background-color : transparent; margin : 0px 0px 0px 0px; padding : 0px 0px 0px 0px; display: inline; }
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BODY { font-family : monospace, sans-serif; color: black;}
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P { font-family : monospace, sans-serif; color: black; margin:0px; padding: 0px;}
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A:visited { text-decoration : none; margin : 0px; padding : 0px;}
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A:link { text-decoration : none; margin : 0px; padding : 0px;}
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A:hover { text-decoration: underline; background-color : yellow; margin : 0px; padding : 0px;}
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A:active { margin : 0px; padding : 0px;}
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.VERSION { font-size: small; font-family : arial, sans-serif; }
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.NORM { color: black; background-color: transparent;}
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.FIFO { color: purple; background-color: transparent;}
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.CHAR { color: yellow; background-color: transparent;}
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.DIR { color: blue; background-color: transparent;}
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.BLOCK { color: yellow; background-color: transparent;}
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.LINK { color: aqua; background-color: transparent;}
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.SOCK { color: fuchsia;background-color: transparent;}
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.EXEC { color: green; background-color: transparent;}
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-->
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.NORM { color: black; }
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.FIFO { color: purple; }
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.CHAR { color: yellow; }
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.DIR { color: blue; }
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.BLOCK { color: yellow; }
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.LINK { color: aqua; }
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.SOCK { color: fuchsia;}
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.EXEC { color: green; }
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</style>
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</head>
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<body>
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@ -42,6 +39,7 @@
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│ ├── <a href="./b/better-version.txt">better-version.txt</a><br>
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│ └── <a href="./b/blizzard-girl.txt">blizzard-girl.txt</a><br>
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├── <a href="./c/">c</a><br>
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│ ├── <a href="./c/carmine.txt">carmine.txt</a><br>
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│ ├── <a href="./c/choco.txt">choco.txt</a><br>
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│ ├── <a href="./c/comer-beber.txt">comer-beber.txt</a><br>
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│ ├── <a href="./c/confectionery-contempt.txt">confectionery-contempt.txt</a><br>
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@ -166,16 +164,14 @@
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├── <a href="./w/wip.txt">wip.txt</a><br>
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├── <a href="./w/withering.txt">withering.txt</a><br>
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└── <a href="./w/wme.txt">wme.txt</a><br>
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<br><br>
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</p>
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<p>
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<br><br><p>
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22 directories, 115 files
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<br><br>
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</p>
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22 directories, 116 files
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</p>
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<hr>
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<p class="VERSION">
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tree v1.8.0 © 1996 - 2018 by Steve Baker and Thomas Moore <br>
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tree v2.0.2 © 1996 - 2022 by Steve Baker and Thomas Moore <br>
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HTML output hacked and copyleft © 1998 by Francesc Rocher <br>
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JSON output hacked and copyleft © 2014 by Florian Sesser <br>
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Charsets / OS/2 support © 2001 by Kyosuke Tokoro
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