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<h1>The quest for digital immortality</h1>
<p>published: 2022-03-14</p>
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<p>A week ago, throughout the course of a single day, I received a chain of bizarre emails from a "Yamato Kuribayashi". A cursory search through our least favorite search engine shows that this name <em>does</em> belong to a real person living in Japan, but I have no idea if he was the actual person emailing me, and I suppose I will never know. Although, if he was, he was exceptionally bad at OPSEC. Arriving in groups of two or three every few hours and with the message only in the subject line, message body solely composed of the Japanese equivalent of "sent from my iPhone", the first few said "die", "I'll kill you", and "death". Once I asked him why he was sending me these, both in English and in a poorly-translated copy-paste from Google Translate, the bundles of messages continued, but now instead of death threats they held "we are sorry for the inconvenience". He kept apologizing until evening, where he strangely offered to share his location over Find My iPhone and then said he would "change [his] behavior and become a true human being".</p>
<p>Was it an omen? A prank gone awry by a technologically inept person? A person so incensed after reading something on my website that he had felt compelled to try to push my paranoid buttons?</p>
<p>I suppose I will never know.</p>
<p>My <code>prometida</code>'s birthday is, at the time of writing this, a little over a week away. I've been putting the finishing touches on <em>The Eschaton Eminence</em> and working on some kind of knit-flower floral display and tidying my room. The last two are not going particularly well... although I can't tell if this is because my body is slowing down or if I was wrong and I do have winter-induced seasonal affective disorder after all and the lethargy is sapping my will to do anything. Theoretically, all is in place for my impending demise. May or November, I'm not entirely sure: I asked for an extension so my future-wife would have time to complete her own studies, but apparently her campus has erupted in fiery riots and she's temporarily fled for her own safety, and the <a href="../../2021/december/exhausted.html">"reconciling with my parents"</a> thing is not going well, no matter how hard I try.</p>
<p>A traditionally hosted website (that is, not peer-to-peer) can be broken down into three major parts:</p>
<ol>
<li>the domain</li>
<li>the hosting</li>
<li>the content</li>
</ol>
<p>Domains, unless one goes to Freenom or some other shady "free" registrar or piggybacks off someone else using a subdomain, cost money. This is arguably the most fragile part of a website: even the smallest error in DNS configuration can render a website inaccessible, and DNS records update slower than one can reboot a web server daemon to fix a typo in configuration, meaning more downtime. It doesn't matter if the hosting is still up and the same IP used if there's no domain to point to that IP, and if the IP <em>does</em> change, manual intervention is required to keep the domain pointed to the right place unless one has a script already in place running in a crontab. (And even then, it's prone to API changes.) I could theoretically load up my Namesilo account with a bunch of funds and set the most important of my domains to auto-renew, but the money <em>will</em> run out eventually.</p>
<p>Hosting <em>can</em> cost money, depending on how much control one wants over how their website is presented. If one just wants to put up some static HTML and assets and not a full-blown webapp that requires a backend and a database and a kajillion Node.js modules all crashing in the background, there are lots of free hosting services. (If you're attached to WordPress or some other convoluted CMS, good luck staying secure <em>during</em> your life, much less posthumously.) I personally use <a href="https://codeberg.page">Codeberg Pages</a> since there's no hard limit on file sizes (unlike Neocities) or restrictions on what can be uploaded (unlike Neocities) and no annoying social features (unlike Neocities) and I can use the domains I already own instead of being relegated to sharecropping on a subdomain without paying extra (unlike... Neocities).</p>
<p>And also, unlike a certain free hosting service infested with Carrd rejects, it runs off of Git (since Codeberg is actually intended for hosting Git repos, not websites) and so I can <a href="https://git-scm.com/book/en/v2/Git-Tools-Signing-Your-Work">sign my commits with GPG</a> to cryptographically prove that I'm the only person who's edited the files.</p>
<p>But Codeberg, or any other hosting service, won't last forever, and I doubt they'll be willing to host my websites forever. And that's assuming that their IPs for custom domains to be pointed at never change. Moving back to Vultr isn't an option since my stash of funds will last even less time than Codeberg's existence will and even the most conservative of unattended upgrades will eventually leave my server vulnerable and open to hackers.</p>
<p>I have a Raspberry Pi in my basement. It's currently hosting all the darknet versions of my websites. (Except for Yggdrasil, which I haven't gotten the motivation to fix yet...) It costs me nothing per month to keep it running for hosting since I don't pay the power bills in the house, and the costs would be near-negligible anyway. And it costs me nothing for the domains since darknet domains are all based in cryptography instead of paying a ransom to ICANN to reserve a slot in a database somewhere. But even that won't save me, since the whole thing can be taken down by simply unplugging it. And I'm sure my parents will unplug it after my death, seeing no purpose for keeping it running if the owner isn't there to use it any longer. And even if they don't, for whatever reason it refuses to reboot properly unless it's connected to a TV or other monitor, so it would only take one power outage or rough jostle to render everything on there offline.</p>
<p>So, disregarding peer-to-peer networks for now, likely the only salvation for my website post-death is to be archived on the Wayback Machine. It's got documents older than I am, having been <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayback_Machine">founded in 1996 and released to the public in 2001</a>, so likely it will be around for at least decades more. (Or until climate change kills us all.) But the Wayback Machine complys with takedown requests, so I'd have to balance a GPG-signed declaration to not take any of my materials down regardless of my parents' request to versus the legal weight of such a request on either side versus the slim but still possible chance that something goes horrifically awry with the plans I've made with Jett and I end up living into next year and now everything I've ever done is preserved in an immutable form and not even I myself can go back and make corrections.</p>
<p>Going back to peer-to-peer networks, there likely isn't much hope for me either, even considering my private keys are only on encrypted drives and so my parents won't be able to change or delete anything. ZeroNet, while my first choice for preserving content, is now abandoned by its developer and the remaining community split among several competing forks. Freenet only caches the most popular content on the network, meaning, unless I develop a cult following between now and when I leave this world, my "freesite" will eventually disappear. IPFS never worked that well anyway.</p>
<p>The best hope I have, it seems, is Git. Running <code>git commit -S</code> will sign commits with my GPG key, although I was a dumbass when setting things up and used the key for Dead End Shrine Online instead of my main one. (Oh well. I've put a note in <a href="../../../identity/index.html"><code>/identity/</code></a> so people know.) Running <code>git log --show-signature -1</code>, where <code>1</code> is the amount of previous commits to show, will verify that I was the one who signed changes; any attempts to modify content posthumously will show a different key. It's inherently sneakernet-friendly and doesn't require any wacky peer-to-peer software to keep up-to-date and can have its config modified to pull from a different mirror if one insists on using a darknet. <strong>It won't do me any good when it comes to the links to my website at the back of my books... but at least it'll prove that, at some point in time, those links were mine.</strong></p>
<p>Maybe, since Yamato seemed to know, I should have asked him how much time I have left to prepare.</p>
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<p align=right>CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 &copy; Vane Vander</p>
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<h2>2022</h2>
<ul>
<li>March 14 - <a href="./2022/march/digital-immortality.html">The quest for digital immortality</a></li>
<li>February 27 - <a href="./2022/february/spanish.html">Seven Spanish verbs to make your future-wife cry with</a></li>
<li>February 19 - <a href="./2022/february/SHUTUP.html">SHUT UP AND MAKE SOMETHING</a></li>
<li>January 30 - <a href="./2022/january/sappho.html">Sappho Was A Right-On Woman</a></li>

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<email>vanevander@mayvaneday.org</email>
</author>
<entry>
<title>The quest for digital immortality</title>
<link href="https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2022/march/digital-immortality.html" />
<id>https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2022/march/digital-immortality.html</id>
<published>2022-03-14</published>
<summary type="html"><![CDATA[<article>
<p>A week ago, throughout the course of a single day, I received a chain of bizarre emails from a "Yamato Kuribayashi". A cursory search through our least favorite search engine shows that this name <em>does</em> belong to a real person living in Japan, but I have no idea if he was the actual person emailing me, and I suppose I will never know. Although, if he was, he was exceptionally bad at OPSEC. Arriving in groups of two or three every few hours and with the message only in the subject line, message body solely composed of the Japanese equivalent of "sent from my iPhone", the first few said "die", "I'll kill you", and "death". Once I asked him why he was sending me these, both in English and in a poorly-translated copy-paste from Google Translate, the bundles of messages continued, but now instead of death threats they held "we are sorry for the inconvenience". He kept apologizing until evening, where he strangely offered to share his location over Find My iPhone and then said he would "change [his] behavior and become a true human being".</p>
<p>Was it an omen? A prank gone awry by a technologically inept person? A person so incensed after reading something on my website that he had felt compelled to try to push my paranoid buttons?</p>
<p>I suppose I will never know.</p>
<p>My <code>prometida</code>'s birthday is, at the time of writing this, a little over a week away. I've been putting the finishing touches on <em>The Eschaton Eminence</em> and working on some kind of knit-flower floral display and tidying my room. The last two are not going particularly well... although I can't tell if this is because my body is slowing down or if I was wrong and I do have winter-induced seasonal affective disorder after all and the lethargy is sapping my will to do anything. Theoretically, all is in place for my impending demise. May or November, I'm not entirely sure: I asked for an extension so my future-wife would have time to complete her own studies, but apparently her campus has erupted in fiery riots and she's temporarily fled for her own safety, and the <a href="https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2021/december/exhausted.html">"reconciling with my parents"</a> thing is not going well, no matter how hard I try.</p>
<p>A traditionally hosted website (that is, not peer-to-peer) can be broken down into three major parts:</p>
<ol>
<li>the domain</li>
<li>the hosting</li>
<li>the content</li>
</ol>
<p>Domains, unless one goes to Freenom or some other shady "free" registrar or piggybacks off someone else using a subdomain, cost money. This is arguably the most fragile part of a website: even the smallest error in DNS configuration can render a website inaccessible, and DNS records update slower than one can reboot a web server daemon to fix a typo in configuration, meaning more downtime. It doesn't matter if the hosting is still up and the same IP used if there's no domain to point to that IP, and if the IP <em>does</em> change, manual intervention is required to keep the domain pointed to the right place unless one has a script already in place running in a crontab. (And even then, it's prone to API changes.) I could theoretically load up my Namesilo account with a bunch of funds and set the most important of my domains to auto-renew, but the money <em>will</em> run out eventually.</p>
<p>Hosting <em>can</em> cost money, depending on how much control one wants over how their website is presented. If one just wants to put up some static HTML and assets and not a full-blown webapp that requires a backend and a database and a kajillion Node.js modules all crashing in the background, there are lots of free hosting services. (If you're attached to WordPress or some other convoluted CMS, good luck staying secure <em>during</em> your life, much less posthumously.) I personally use <a href="https://codeberg.page">Codeberg Pages</a> since there's no hard limit on file sizes (unlike Neocities) or restrictions on what can be uploaded (unlike Neocities) and no annoying social features (unlike Neocities) and I can use the domains I already own instead of being relegated to sharecropping on a subdomain without paying extra (unlike... Neocities).</p>
<p>And also, unlike a certain free hosting service infested with Carrd rejects, it runs off of Git (since Codeberg is actually intended for hosting Git repos, not websites) and so I can <a href="https://git-scm.com/book/en/v2/Git-Tools-Signing-Your-Work">sign my commits with GPG</a> to cryptographically prove that I'm the only person who's edited the files.</p>
<p>But Codeberg, or any other hosting service, won't last forever, and I doubt they'll be willing to host my websites forever. And that's assuming that their IPs for custom domains to be pointed at never change. Moving back to Vultr isn't an option since my stash of funds will last even less time than Codeberg's existence will and even the most conservative of unattended upgrades will eventually leave my server vulnerable and open to hackers.</p>
<p>I have a Raspberry Pi in my basement. It's currently hosting all the darknet versions of my websites. (Except for Yggdrasil, which I haven't gotten the motivation to fix yet...) It costs me nothing per month to keep it running for hosting since I don't pay the power bills in the house, and the costs would be near-negligible anyway. And it costs me nothing for the domains since darknet domains are all based in cryptography instead of paying a ransom to ICANN to reserve a slot in a database somewhere. But even that won't save me, since the whole thing can be taken down by simply unplugging it. And I'm sure my parents will unplug it after my death, seeing no purpose for keeping it running if the owner isn't there to use it any longer. And even if they don't, for whatever reason it refuses to reboot properly unless it's connected to a TV or other monitor, so it would only take one power outage or rough jostle to render everything on there offline.</p>
<p>So, disregarding peer-to-peer networks for now, likely the only salvation for my website post-death is to be archived on the Wayback Machine. It's got documents older than I am, having been <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wayback_Machine">founded in 1996 and released to the public in 2001</a>, so likely it will be around for at least decades more. (Or until climate change kills us all.) But the Wayback Machine complys with takedown requests, so I'd have to balance a GPG-signed declaration to not take any of my materials down regardless of my parents' request to versus the legal weight of such a request on either side versus the slim but still possible chance that something goes horrifically awry with the plans I've made with Jett and I end up living into next year and now everything I've ever done is preserved in an immutable form and not even I myself can go back and make corrections.</p>
<p>Going back to peer-to-peer networks, there likely isn't much hope for me either, even considering my private keys are only on encrypted drives and so my parents won't be able to change or delete anything. ZeroNet, while my first choice for preserving content, is now abandoned by its developer and the remaining community split among several competing forks. Freenet only caches the most popular content on the network, meaning, unless I develop a cult following between now and when I leave this world, my "freesite" will eventually disappear. IPFS never worked that well anyway.</p>
<p>The best hope I have, it seems, is Git. Running <code>git commit -S</code> will sign commits with my GPG key, although I was a dumbass when setting things up and used the key for Dead End Shrine Online instead of my main one. (Oh well. I've put a note in <a href="https://mayvaneday.org/identity/index.html"><code>/identity/</code></a> so people know.) Running <code>git log --show-signature -1</code>, where <code>1</code> is the amount of previous commits to show, will verify that I was the one who signed changes; any attempts to modify content posthumously will show a different key. It's inherently sneakernet-friendly and doesn't require any wacky peer-to-peer software to keep up-to-date and can have its config modified to pull from a different mirror if one insists on using a darknet. <strong>It won't do me any good when it comes to the links to my website at the back of my books... but at least it'll prove that, at some point in time, those links were mine.</strong></p>
<p>Maybe, since Yamato seemed to know, I should have asked him how much time I have left to prepare.</p>
</article>]]>
</summary>
</entry>
<entry>
<title>The Female Urge To...</title>
<link href="https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/f/female-urge.txt" />
@ -323,32 +352,4 @@ The padded room's blistering cold.
</summary>
</entry>
<entry>
<title>SHUT UP AND MAKE SOMETHING</title>
<link href="https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2022/february/SHUTUP.html" />
<id>https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2022/february/SHUTUP.html</id>
<published>2022-02-19</published>
<summary type="html"><![CDATA[<article>
<!-- 1. Don't use your website as a personal journal because ultimately nobody cares, you're wasting everyone's time, and you're making yourself vulnerable for no benefit. -->
<!-- 2. If you're going to risk the wrath of cancel culture by posting *anything* on the internet, make sure it's worth the risk. -->
<p>Back in Hell College, I had no problem finding some way to spend upwards of three hours on the computer in one sitting. 8chan hadn't been blown up by the feds yet, and I was still a part of <a href="gopher://circumlunar.space">circumlunar.space</a> and had access to their whole BBS to trawl through, and there was so much new stuff happening during my first long-term stay away from home that I had something to write about near-constantly.</p>
<p>And now all I do on the internet is obsessively check the RSS feed reader on my phone every ten minutes, hoping something new will pop up in the "autism" folder. Something, I hope. Something good, something <a href="https://archive.md/zjALP">healing</a>, something that reminds me there's a woman out there who, in her sometimes-awkward "English isn't my first language" way, admits she wants to spend her whole life with me. The only time I hop onto an <em>actual</em> computer anymore is either on my ThinkPad in the middle of the night to write down a long dream in my dream journal or on my desktop, USB WiFi adapter unplugged, booted into Windows because that's where all my <a href="https://deadendshrine.online/mods/">Sm4sh modding</a> tools are to spend an afternoon making <a href="https://archive.md/https://knowyourmeme.com/memes/coldsteel-the-hedgeheg">DeviantArt-worthy recolors</a>.</p>
<p><strong>There's nowhere to waste time on the internet anymore.</strong> I can look at the front page of Hacker News, but upwards of 90% of the stuff there is either too technical for me or too niche and only applies to the kind of "techbro" who unironically thinks Node.js and seven thousand build systems to make a static website are good ideas. I can scroll through ZeroNet, but unlike my, ah, <em>future wife</em> (I don't like the term "fianc&#xE9;e", even though it's <a href="https://archive.md/https://www.wordnik.com/words/fianc%C3%A9e">technically gendered</a>, since in my region of English it's gender-neutral and I feel the constant urge to take every opportunity to remind people <a href="https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2022/january/sappho.html">I'm gay</a>) who I can forgive for awkward English grammar at every drop of a hat since I love her, trying to decipher ZeroTalk comments in Current Year instantly makes me spiral into a migraine. I can scroll through random imageboards, but they're all at least one of the following:</p>
<ol type="1">
<li>too slow for any meaningful conversation, so questions go unanswered for weeks and news is stale by the time anyone sees it;</li>
<li>too <em>fast</em> for any meaningful conversation, so only shitposts can get any airtime;</li>
<li>full of cookie-cutter white men who are very angry that women and minorities happen to exist.</li>
</ol>
<p>It's this last point that pains me the most. Because on <a href="https://lainchan.org">Lainchan</a>, the only imageboard I bother to check in on anymore, there is a recurrect webring thread. (As I write this, it's on its seventh iteration due to bump/reply limits on each thread.) I joined on either the first or second one, and as a result, <em>most</em> of the sites that joined have my banner on them... <em>most</em>, since some of them apparently got dropped on their heads as children and don't understand that, when you join a webring, you have to link to other sites too, not just drop a banner and link and collect free advertising.</p>
<p>I don't bother participating in webrings anymore because <strong>the vast majority of personal sites I've found are, to be frank, boring as shit.</strong> HTTP/S, Gemini, Gopher: nowhere is an escape from personal logs that would be better kept in a paper journal and far away from the corrosive and cruel eyes of the internet. Nowhere is an escape from the bitter irony of the types of people who laugh at NPC memes and then make yet another Lain-themed website where their "about" page states that they proudly use Linux on a ThinkPad and hate <a href="https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2021/february/javascript-good.html">JavaScript</a> and Cloudflare and <a href="https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2021/september/not-harmful.html">proprietary software</a> and want to suck on Richard Stallman's jam-filled toes. I look at the "interests" sections and see the same anime and video games ad nauseam. I look at the blogs (that is, when the websites have blogs and aren't just landing pages for one's contact info) and see the same entry-level posts about "privacy good" and "Google bad" and "social media bad" and "Small Internet good". (I mean, I agree, but do you have any original opinions...?) And when I do bother to reach out to some of the ones who manage to escape the doldrum, or have them announce themselves in my inbox hoping to start a friendship, they inevitably end up being incorrigibly sexist and automatically assume my complete incompetence in everything to the point where I believe my spam filters catching their messages was an attempt to protect me <em>before</em> the problems started.</p>
<p>And then I, hungry for dopamine, pull out my phone and look at my RSS feed reader again. There's something <a href="https://archive.md/QJ6Tg">unread</a> in the "autism" folder. Something I like. Something that took time and effort to make. Something that can't be replicated by anyone else.</p>
<p>And I think a horrid thought to myself. Not by my standards- I'm too busy having a "villainess" character arc- but by anyone else's who subscribes to the Small Internet ideology.</p>
<p><em>A single one of these art Twitter accounts, despite being on a centralized platform, is worth a</em> hundred <em>of the typical Gemini capsules or Gopherholes, because they're</em> making something<em>.</em> They're <em>creating</em>. They're releasing something onto the internet that's never been made before, that's unique, that has significance <em>beyond</em> voyeurs wondering what random strangers had for lunch or did with their free time that day. And while not everything that they make is my cup of tea- or that <em>anyone</em> makes- it's still something with meaning beyond the person who made it. <strong>What's the point of making a space for oneself on the internet if one isn't going to do anything with it? What does putting one's words out for the public to consume, eviscerate, <em>tear apart</em>, accomplish that cannot be replicated by writing in a private journal or having a discussion with one's close friends and family?</strong> Cancel culture is terrifying to deal with. <strong>If something lacks artistic, journalistic, activistic, or educational merit or otherwise isn't worth the risk of being jumped on by the internet's hellhounds, why bother making it vulnerable so?</strong></p>
<p>I, for one, would hope that being visibly female online would give some prospective woman online courage to pursue her tech career of choice knowing STEM isn't 100% male, or that writing about being mentally disabled would bring some neurotypical person awareness of the struggles of others and nudge them to be more accommodating to those in their personal lives, or acknowledging my idiosyncratic spiritual beliefs would get someone struggling with what to do about their own religious upbringing to put their own personal experiences above dogma and be honest with themselves about what they believe.</p>
<p>Please explain to me what a mundane log of what one whiled their day away doing is supposed to do for the world. Because, unless one's website is on a private network or password-protected, we are dealing with the entirety of the world.</p>
<p>All these websites are like the stars in the sky. Intellectually, I know that, with an infinite universe, if I could see far enough, the sky would all be one light. But I look up from where I kneel on my bed beside my bedroom window, lights off, and I only see a few pinpricks against the inky black. You, you dime-a-dozen internet denizen- your light does not shine nearly bright enough to register as a star, as an individual body in the heavens. And maybe you like it better this way, to be obscure, unknown, easily forgotten. Given a different vantage point, you might be the brightest thing in the sky. <em>Someone</em> cares deeply about you, considers you an individual of note. But I look up into my night sky with nothing more than my naked eyes, and I do not see you there.</p>
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@ -11,7 +11,7 @@
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNED MESSAGE-----
Hash: SHA256
as of 2022-03-11:
as of 2022-03-14:
I have full administrative control of the following domains and their subdomains:
- - mayvaneday.art
@ -23,6 +23,7 @@ I have full administrative control of the following domains and their subdomains
the following ZeroNet "zites" are mine, and I have sole access to the private keys:
- - 1MEYNetHZVbtYLoPc6sJAP2e8EzH8qJF8x (MayVaneDay)
- - 1MeeJWbbQHArbqD6UUHSjh9EVycvnTUBFa (MayVaneDay backup)
- - 1MrwmugtdphP3CfYxXEgdefyjJV3LKMsW2 (marusu's hole)
- - 1LiannAaMFCegAwz3dNUpRAC9Zj5XeAJjA (Weirdiverse)
- - 1HexesKdtJU7Cg3qb9d1XAcVhqsFqFAGDf (Let's Decentralize)
@ -52,10 +53,17 @@ FOR BUSINESS INQUIRIES, EMAIL:
lethe AT deadendshrine DOT online
DO NOT CONTACT ME OTHERWISE FOR ANY OTHER REASON
If you're browsing this site though a Git repository, the GPG fingerprint used for signing SHOULD be:
If you're browsing this site though a Git repository,
the GPG fingerprint used for signing SHOULD be:
5674B367EF855A05AE77C57D21A3DA3DE29CB63C
which SHOULD match lethe AT deadendshrine DOT online and "/lethe.gpg" in this repo.
CURRENT OFFICIAL GIT REPO MIRRORS:
https://git.letsdecentralize.org/lethe/mayvaneday
https://codeberg.org/lethe/mayvaneday
https://notabug.org/lethe/mayvaneday
https://gitlab.lain.la/lethe/mayvaneday
Finally, my GPG public key is:
- -----BEGIN PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----
@ -90,15 +98,15 @@ Ipzl6ecL3upkGrfo0MVNDVcpFiq1t7kh81pi
- -----END PGP PUBLIC KEY BLOCK-----
-----BEGIN PGP SIGNATURE-----
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