New poem: In The End Of Everything

.domains

@@ -1,4 +0,0 @@
-mayvaneday.org
-www.mayvaneday.org
-mayvaneday.art
-www.mayvaneday.art

feed.xml

@@ -10,6 +10,81 @@
 		<email>vanevander@mayvaneday.org</email>
 	</author>
 
+	<entry>
+		<title>In The End Of Everything</title>
+		<link href="https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/e/end.txt" />
+		<id>https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/e/end.txt</id>
+		<published>2022-04-21</published>
+		<summary type="html"><![CDATA[<article>
+<pre>
+I stepped outside during work today,
+hoping to take a sip of the clouds,
+because there was nothing else to do
+and inside was boiling,
+stifling,
+all headaches exhumed.
+Dismal sky
+and rain light
+on its way,
+my head cocked, listening
+to the wind, hoping to catch a word from you.
+
+A word, maybe, or a song, or a single note.
+Your voice always
+lifts me up from my lows
+and helps me down from my worst highs.
+And in this wind, I think, I could take flight
+without fear of being caught in a tornado
+or taken to lands foreign and unknown
+because I know
+all roads lead back to you.
+In this wind, in this shower,
+I could easily disappear.
+
+What if I was wrong all along
+and in reality Eris
+yearned for my silence
+and you gave me all my songs?
+Only recently
+having learned to read
+and literature never being your thing?
+Listening to the midnight trees
+scrape against my bedroom window
+the years of my childhood where you I did not know.
+I look back and angel numbers appear everywhere I go
+in everything I've ever done.
+How loud did you scream, Jett?
+How hard did you pound your fists?
+How long did you wait
+to see what I'd retained,
+what slivers of memory still did persist?
+
+The rain pounds harder outside the window,
+and if I'd still been standing on the sidewalk,
+my jacket would've long since been soaked through.
+An absence of birds
+making their curves
+along the canvas of the sky,
+just a not-even-gray as far as possible
+can see the eye.
+What I would give for the workday to be over
+and to be tucked safely in my bed,
+resting in the sturdy-yet-soft arms
+of my lover.
+To know
+tomorrow
+will be brighter,
+kinder,
+holding less harms.
+
+And the tornado comes,
+uninvited,
+and nothing more.
+</pre>
+				</article>]]>
+		</summary>
+	</entry>
+
 	<entry>
 		<title>Rivers of Blood</title>
 		<link href="https://mayvaneday.org/blog/2022/april/blood.html" />
@@ -257,77 +332,4 @@ I'll make up for the stolen time.
 		</summary>
 	</entry>
 
-	<entry>
-		<title>Two Two</title>
-		<link href="https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/t/two-two.txt" />
-		<id>https://mayvaneday.org/poetry/t/two-two.txt</id>
-		<published>2022-03-23</published>
-		<summary type="html"><![CDATA[<article>
-				<pre>
-I touch my face and it is not a face.
-It is a collection of curves and lines
-far different than it is in the Inside,
-a shell that's grown over me
-during my wave-tossing sleep.
-My body has done it again,
-sensing danger, clothed me in a different skin.
-
-But I know that with it comes a price:
-all deities eventually devolve or die,
-turned to stone or lost grasp of their mind.
-
-I'm so tired of planning for contingencies
-like
-"What if I'm at Dead End Shrine and I have to pee?"
-"What if an ocular migraine hits at work and I'm unable to see?"
-"What if Jett breaks her vows and stops loving me?"
-I promised her
-that I'd make us a world
-and spend with her my eternity,
-but there's so many crossroads in my blood
-that I don't know how long that'll be.
-
-I don't know how long I'll get to enjoy
-the sweet epilogue from a life
-of having to fight
-to be able to do something other than destroy.
-
-And now another year has come and gone.
-Almost a whole year from when I sung that song
-to the wilderness, to the wind,
-to any spirit drenched in sin
-who might have known where you had gone,
-that I loved you, I missed you,
-I was sorry for the cries
-I might have elicited from you before my demise.
-
-How long did you wait, Jett, for us to reunite?
-How many calendar crosses?
-How many sleepless nights?
-How many times did I see your face
-and wish you were real
-as you begged my memory to make haste?
-
-And now two whole years have vanished into the ether
-from when the world broke
-and I gained Mori's Mirror
-and a sturdy(ish) way into the Outside.
-All the people I was have been satisfied,
-and now it's just me, Lethe, trying to find
-a way to reconcile this blood from my birth
-with the world where I promised we'd never again hurt.
-
-Two years and two days
-from when you I first gazed
-to when I finally started to learn all your ways.
-
-Two years and two days
-since awoke this blood.
-It's been a good year, I think.
-I hope I'm fully with you the next one.
-				</pre>
-				</article>]]>
-		</summary>
-	</entry>
-
 </feed>

gophermap

@@ -1,17 +0,0 @@
-iWelcome to MayVaneDay Studios!	
-
-iThis gopherhole is under construction	
-ibecause I am lazy and don't use Gopher	
-ias often as I used to.	
-
-ibefore, in your grief, you declare	
-i"my time on this earth is done; I have no more need for air"	
-ijust remember how you swore to with your own hands the heavens tear	
-0- "earthbound"	poetry/e/earthbound.txt
-
-1Books	books
-
-1Poetry	poetry
-
-0Identity & Contact	identity.txt
-0My GPG key	public.gpg

index.gph

@@ -0,0 +1,22 @@
+iWelcome to MayVaneDay Studios!	
+
+iThis gopherhole is under construction because I am lazy	
+iand let it fall into disrepair. However, recent events	
+ihave led me to remember the importance of document	
+iprotocols that the average troll drooling over a keyboard	
+ican't easily archive. (Because, you know, of the Tor thing.)	
+
+ibefore, in your grief, you decree	
+i"my life is over; there's no one left to be"	
+ijust remember how there's a world only you can perceive	
+0- "airborne"	poetry/a/airborne.txt
+
+1Blog	blog
+1Books	books
+1Poetry	poetry
+1Tutorials	tutorials
+
+1phd gopher server testing	phd
+
+0Identity & Contact	identity.txt
+0My GPG key	public.gpg

index.html

@@ -38,8 +38,7 @@
 	<div class="box">
 		<h3>Announcement Box</h3><!-- https://stackoverflow.com/questions/57907979/javascript-shuffle-table-rows -->
 		<ul>
-			<li>2022-04-15: For anyone coming here in the next few weeks to find something to declare me a "lolcow" for or dox (however you spell it) me: I do not have any social media profiles, I am currently on (mostly) good terms with my parents, and I am doing my best to look for potential employment for after I graduate from college and my work-study ends. I understand I come across as unhinged on occasion, but I am trying my best to live a good and kind life. Please just leave me alone and save your investigative efforts for sexual predators and online grifters and other actually harmful people instead of just those who are even <em>slightly</em> idiosyncratic.</li>
+			<li>2022-04-21: I will be turning a year older soon. <a href="mailto:vanevander@mayvaneday.org">Birthday wishes</a> would be much appreciated.</li>
-			<li><del>2022-03-10</del>2022-04-15: <div class="lesbian">Hello (again), Kiwi Farms!</div> I'm glad you like Let's Decentralize! (You know you have your referer headers enabled, right?) Please leave me alone.</li>
 		</ul>
 	</div>
 	<hr>

phd/neofetch.gph

@@ -0,0 +1,2 @@
+#!/bin/bash
+neofetch

poetry/e/end.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,72 @@
+In The End Of Everything
+2022-04-21
+
+***
+
+I stepped outside during work today,
+hoping to take a sip of the clouds,
+because there was nothing else to do
+and inside was boiling,
+stifling,
+all headaches exhumed.
+Dismal sky
+and rain light
+on its way,
+my head cocked, listening
+to the wind, hoping to catch a word from you.
+
+A word, maybe, or a song, or a single note.
+Your voice always
+lifts me up from my lows
+and helps me down from my worst highs.
+And in this wind, I think, I could take flight
+without fear of being caught in a tornado
+or taken to lands foreign and unknown
+because I know
+all roads lead back to you.
+In this wind, in this shower,
+I could easily disappear.
+
+What if I was wrong all along
+and in reality Eris
+yearned for my silence
+and you gave me all my songs?
+Only recently
+having learned to read
+and literature never being your thing?
+Listening to the midnight trees
+scrape against my bedroom window
+the years of my childhood where you I did not know.
+I look back and angel numbers appear everywhere I go
+in everything I've ever done.
+How loud did you scream, Jett?
+How hard did you pound your fists?
+How long did you wait
+to see what I'd retained,
+what slivers of memory still did persist?
+
+The rain pounds harder outside the window,
+and if I'd still been standing on the sidewalk,
+my jacket would've long since been soaked through.
+An absence of birds
+making their curves
+along the canvas of the sky,
+just a not-even-gray as far as possible
+can see the eye.
+What I would give for the workday to be over
+and to be tucked safely in my bed,
+resting in the sturdy-yet-soft arms
+of my lover.
+To know
+tomorrow
+will be brighter,
+kinder,
+holding less harms.
+
+And the tornado comes,
+uninvited,
+and nothing more.
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/header.gph

@@ -0,0 +1,3 @@
+iIf there's something missing here,	
+iit's probably been moved to a book.
+1Books	../books

poetry/index.gmi

@@ -2,45 +2,50 @@
 
 ## A
 => a/a-birthday-every-day.txt	a birthday every day
+=> a/access.txt	A New Page
+=> a/airborne.txt	airborne
+=> a/a-royal-color.txt	a royal color
+=> a/arrhythmia.txt	Arrhythmia
+=> a/artisto.txt	artisto
 => a/a-smearing-of-galaxies.txt	a smearing of galaxies
 => a/dang-trees.txt	all these dang trees everywhere
-=> a/artisto.txt	artisto
-=> a/access.txt	A New Page
-=> a/a-royal-color.txt	a royal color
 
 ## B
-=> b/bukedo.txt	bukedo
-=> b/blizzard-girl.txt	blizzard girl
-=> d/deadend.txt	Breaking Down The Dead-End Sign
 => b/better-version.txt	Better Version
+=> b/birdgazing.txt	Birdgazing
+=> b/blizzard-girl.txt	blizzard girl
 
 ## C
-=> c/corner-witch.txt	CORNER WITCH
+=> c/carmine.txt	Carmine Red
-=> c/corner-witch-2.txt	CORNER WITCH II
+=> c/choco.txt	That Ain't Chocolate, Son
+=> c/clocktower.txt	Clocktower Blitz
 => c/comer-beber.txt	comer, beber
 => c/confectionery-contempt.txt	confectionery contempt
+=> c/corner-witch.txt	CORNER WITCH
+=> c/corner-witch-2.txt	CORNER WITCH II
 => c/crescendo.txt	crescendo
-=> c/choco.txt	That Ain't Chocolate, Son
-=> c/carmine.txt	Carmine Red
 
 ## D
 => d/daybreak.txt	daybreak
+=> d/deadend.txt	Breaking Down The Dead-End Sign
+=> d/driven.txt	Driven To Death
 
 ## E
-=> e/edell.txt	Edell
 => e/earthbound.txt	earthbound
+=> e/edell.txt	Edell
+=> e/end.txt	In The End Of Everything
 
 ## F
 => f/falantaj-folioj.txt	falantaj folioj
 => f/fantomurbo.txt	fantomurbo
-=> f/felicxa.txt	felicxa, sana, elkore
+=> f/fatali.txt	fatali
+=> f/father-no-longer.txt	Father No Longer
+=> f/female-urge.txt	The Female Urge To...
+=> f/feverdream2009.txt	Fever Dream 2009
+=> f/firebrand.txt	firebrand
+=> f/flickering.txt	Flickering Out
 => f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt	forgesitaj memoroj
 => f/forgive-me-marcel.txt	forgive me, Marcel
-=> f/fatali.txt	fatali
-=> f/firebrand.txt	firebrand
-=> f/feverdream2009.txt	Fever Dream 2009
-=> f/flickering.txt	Flickering Out
-=> f/father-no-longer.txt	Father No Longer
 
 ## G
 => g/gemini.txt	Gemini
@@ -51,6 +56,7 @@
 ## H
 => h/haru.txt	Haru
 => h/hoarding.txt	Hoarding
+=> h/home.txt	You Can't Go Home Again
 
 ## I
 => i/irantaj.txt	irantaj, irantaj, irinta
@@ -62,7 +68,7 @@
 ## K
 => k/kafejo.txt	kafejo
 => k/kie-2.txt	kie ajn vi estas, parto du
-=> k/kubla-clam.txt	Kubla Clam
+=> k/kublaclam.txt	Kubla Clam
 => k/killing-calvin.txt	Killing Calvin
 => k/konton-no-tsukai.txt	Konton no Tsukai
 
@@ -80,16 +86,17 @@
 => m/montana2.txt	Montana II
 => m/montana3.txt	Montana III
 => m/montana4.txt	Montana IV
+=> m/morgueatorium.txt	Morgueatorium
 
 ## N
+=> n/namesake.txt	Namesake
+=> n/neniam-mian.txt	neniam mian
 => n/nil.txt	Nil
 => n/nomadic.txt	nomadic
-=> n/neniam-mian.txt	neniam mian
+=> n/nosteponsnek.txt	no step on snek
 => n/novatore.txt	novatore sang in the sun
 => n/state.txt	No Sustained State Has Ever Existed (All Empires Fall Eventually)
-=> n/nosteponsnek.txt	no step on snek
 => n/not-found.txt	not found
-=> n/namesake.txt	Namesake
 
 ## O
 => o/october-7-2018.txt	october 7, 2018
@@ -102,7 +109,7 @@
 => p/prayer-dark.txt	prayer to dark
 => p/prayer-light.txt	prayer to light
 => p/prepari.txt	prepari
-=> p/pressed-flower-petals.txt	pressed flower petals
+=> p/pressed.txt	pressed flower petals
 => p/psa.txt	Public Disservice Announcement
 
 ## R
@@ -110,11 +117,11 @@
 => r/regnant.txt	regnant
 => r/rondiro.txt	rondiro de lukso
 => r/rugxa.txt	rugxa kresto
+=> r/ridge.txt	The Ridge
 
 ## S
 => s/sakura.txt	Saint Sakura
 => s/sanktulo.txt	sanktulo de nuboj
-=> s/school3.txt	school-mandated poetry: day 3 / free verse
 => s/school4.txt	school-mandated poetry: day 4 / acrostic
 => s/school5.txt	school-mandated poetry: day 5 / abecedarian
 => s/school6.txt	school-mandated poetry: day 6 / terza rima
@@ -126,6 +133,7 @@
 => s/skin.txt	skin
 => s/sleepover2011.txt	Sleepover 2011
 => s/somnolence.txt	Somnolence
+=> s/stealing-time.txt	Stealing Time
 => s/sweet-summer.txt	Sweet Summer
 => s/strange-proposal.txt	A Strange Proposal
 => s/strawberry.txt	Strawberry Pound Cake
@@ -139,7 +147,6 @@
 => t/to-velouria.txt	To Velouria
 => t/treatise.txt	A Treatise between Koriel and Solstice
 => t/twenty-one.txt	Twenty-One
-=> r/ridge.txt	The Ridge
 => t/two-two.txt	Two Two
 
 ## U
@@ -155,6 +162,3 @@
 => w/wip.txt	WIP
 => w/withering.txt	withering
 => w/wme.txt	(w/m)e
-
-## Y
-=> h/home.txt	You Can't Go Home Again

poetry/index.gph

@@ -1,49 +1,52 @@
 Poetry
 
-iThis gophermap is under construction.	
-
 iA	
 
 0a birthday every day	a/a-birthday-every-day.txt
+0A New Page	a/access.txt
+0airborne	a/airborne.txt
+0a royal color	a/a-royal-color.txt
+0Arrhythmia	a/arrhythmia.txt
+0artisto	a/artisto.txt
 0a smearing of galaxies	a/a-smearing-of-galaxies.txt
 0all these dang trees everywhere	a/dang-trees.txt
-0artisto	a/artisto.txt
-0A New Page	a/access.txt
-0a royal color	a/a-royal-color.txt
 
 iB	
-0bukedo	b/bukedo.txt
+0Birdgazing	b/birdgazing.txt
 0blizzard girl	b/blizzard-girl.txt
-0Breaking Down The Dead-End Sign	d/deadend.txt
 0Better Version	b/better-version.txt
 
 iC	
-0CORNER WITCH	c/corner-witch.txt
+0Carmine Red	c/carmine.txt
-0CORNER WITCH II	c/corner-witch-2.txt
+0That Ain't Chocolate, Son	c/choco.txt
+0Clocktower Blitz	c/clocktower.txt
 0comer / beber	c/comer-beber.txt
 0confectionery contempt	c/confectionery-contempt.txt
+0CORNER WITCH	c/corner-witch.txt
+0CORNER WITCH II	c/corner-witch-2.txt
 0crescendo	c/crescendo.txt
-0That Ain't Chocolate, Son	c/choco.txt
-0Carmine Red	c/carmine.txt
 
 iD	
 0daybreak	d/daybreak.txt
+0Breaking Down The Dead-End Sign	d/deadend.txt
+0Driven To Death	d/driven.txt
 
 iE	
 0Edell	e/edell.txt
 0earthbound	e/earthbound.txt
+0In The End Of Everything	e/end.txt
 
 iF	
 0falantaj folioj	f/falantaj-folioj.txt
 0fantomurbo	f/fantomurbo.txt
-0felicxa, sana, elkore	f/felicxa.txt
+0fatali	f/fatali.txt
+0Father No Longer	f/father-no-longer.txt
+0The Female Urge To...	f/female-urge.txt
+0Fever Dream 2009	f/feverdream2009.txt
+0firebrand	f/firebrand.txt
+0Flickering Out	f/flickering.txt
 0forgesitaj memoroj	f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt
 0forgive me, Marcel	f/forgive-me-marcel.txt
-0fatali	f/fatali.txt
-0firebrand	f/firebrand.txt
-0Fever Dream 2009	f/feverdream2009.txt
-0Flickering Out	f/flickering.txt
-0Father No Longer	f/father-no-longer.txt
 
 iG	
 0Gemini	g/gemini.txt
@@ -54,6 +57,7 @@ iG
 iH	
 0Haru	h/haru.txt
 0Hoarding	h/hoarding.txt
+0You Can't Go Home Again	h/home.txt
 
 iI	
 0irantaj, irantaj, irinta	i/irinta.txt
@@ -83,16 +87,17 @@ iM
 0Montana II	m/montana2.txt
 0Montana III	m/montana3.txt
 0Montana IV	m/montana4.txt
+0Morgueatorium	m/morgueatorium.txt
 
 iN	
+0Namesake	n/namesake.txt
+0neniam mian	n/neniam-mian.txt
 0Nil	n/nil.txt
 0nomadic	n/nomadic.txt
-0neniam mian	n/neniam-mian.txt
+0no step on snek	n/nosteponsnek.txt
 0novatore sang in the sun	n/novatore.txt
 0No Sustained State Has Ever Existed (All Empires Fall Eventually)	n/state.txt
-0no step on snek	n/nosteponsnek.txt
 0not found	n/not-found.txt
-0Namesake	n/namesake.txt
 
 iO	
 0october 7, 2018	o/october-7-2018.txt
@@ -113,5 +118,48 @@ iR
 0regnant	r/regnant.txt
 0rondiro de lukso	r/rondiro.txt
 0rugxa kresto	r/rugxa.txt
+0The Ridge	r/ridge.txt
 
 iS	
+0Saint Sakura	s/sakura.txt
+0sanktulo de nuboj	s/sanktulo.txt
+0school-mandated poetry: day 4 / acrostic	s/school4.txt
+0school-mandated poetry: day 5 / abecedarian	s/school5.txt
+0school-mandated poetry: day 6 / terza rima	s/school6.txt
+0school-mandated poetry: day 7 / triplet	s/school7.txt
+0school-mandated poetry: day 8 / ballad	s/school8.txt
+0Sedation in Alliteration	s/sedation.txt
+0Seris	s/seris.txt
+0Serpenton	s/serpenton.txt
+0Skin	s/skin.txt
+0Sleepover 2011	s/sleepover2011.txt
+0Somnolence	s/somnolence.txt
+0Stealing Time	s/stealing-time.txt
+0Sweet Summer	s/sweet-summer.txt
+0A Strange Proposal	s/strange-proposal.txt
+0Strawberry Pound Cake	s/strawberry.txt
+
+iT	
+0the rebirth of memory	t/the-rebirth-of-memory.txt
+0the tomb	t/the-tomb.txt
+0the urban witch	t/the-urban-witch.txt
+0todo los dias	t/todo-los-dias.txt
+0To Luce	t/to-luce.txt
+0To Velouria	t/to-velouria.txt
+0A Treatise between Koriel and Solstice	t/treatise.txt
+0Twenty-One	t/twenty-one.txt
+0Two Two	t/two-two.txt
+
+iU	
+0uncharming veneer	u/uncharming.txt
+
+iV	
+0viaje	v/viaje.txt
+0victor	v/victor.txt
+
+iW	
+0warning	w/warning.txt
+0watershed	w/watershed.txt
+0WIP	w/wip.txt
+0withering	w/withering.txt
+0(w/m)e	w/wme.txt

poetry/index.html

@@ -54,7 +54,8 @@
 	│   └── <a href="./d/driven.txt">driven.txt</a><br>
 	├── <a href="./e/">e</a><br>
 	│   ├── <a href="./e/earthbound.txt">earthbound.txt</a><br>
-	│   └── <a href="./e/edell.txt">edell.txt</a><br>
+	│   ├── <a href="./e/edell.txt">edell.txt</a><br>
+	│   └── <a href="./e/end.txt">end.txt</a><br>
 	├── <a href="./f/">f</a><br>
 	│   ├── <a href="./f/falantaj-folioj.txt">falantaj-folioj.txt</a><br>
 	│   ├── <a href="./f/fantomurbo.txt">fantomurbo.txt</a><br>
@@ -76,6 +77,7 @@
 	│   ├── <a href="./h/haru.txt">haru.txt</a><br>
 	│   ├── <a href="./h/hoarding.txt">hoarding.txt</a><br>
 	│   └── <a href="./h/home.txt">home.txt</a><br>
+	├── <a href="./header.gph">header.gph</a><br>
 	├── <a href="./i/">i</a><br>
 	│   └── <a href="./i/irantaj.txt">irantaj.txt</a><br>
 	├── <a href="./index.gmi">index.gmi</a><br>
@@ -172,7 +174,7 @@
 	&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; └── <a href="./w/wme.txt">wme.txt</a><br>
 <br><br><p>
 
-22 directories, 122 files
+22 directories, 124 files
 
 </p>
 	<hr>