The Female Urge To...
2022-03-11

***

If I was the one most despised,
then why
was I
the one that survived?

Why did my siblings deign,
seeing death was imminent
and Chronos would get his way
to remake the world in his image,
decide
that the one who also destroys
and has never for a single moment known love
be the one who the divine
genocide
survived?

Which one of my siblings looked at me and thought
that what the infant world needed was destruction's favorite god?
Who spun their ceasing gaze
towards my way
and blessed me human so I Chronos forgot?

It's a gaze I've come
to become
familiar with,
this insistence
that I'm not a burden,
that I'm not by presence hurting,
that to keep breathing I don't have to earn.

But no matter how many times I fish for my mother's pity,
I can't bring myself to, when her mouth makes the sound
that I'm a blessing to all those around,
her strained declaration believe.

"But if you knew
all that I've put people through,
would you
still feel the same?"

Sharpened by heartache,
tempered by pain,
forged in despair,
I, bond-breaking blade?

*Whatever you did is dead and gone
and in so many worlds away.
There are enough armchair Christs.
Stop self-inflicting pain.*

***

CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander