The Ridge
2021-08-23

***

It's been
too long since I've haunted here,
too long since the flood,
too long since I've buried myself,
cursing the hallowed sun.

Another day,
another pain,
another reminder why I should restrain
this desperate yearning to be at your side.
I can't control myself, you insist,
can't care for myself, can't abide
by a single plea:
*wait for me
until the war is done.*
But how can I stay inert at the sidelines?
How can I watch, patient, as you struggle for life?

I keep looking at your face.
I keep looking into your eyes,
into the depravity
void of grace,
the sweaty sleepless nights,
the frights
that dance between the stone space of your skull.

Little said, but oft reply
in hopes this boat crosses Imaginai,
the fierce rivers, the gaudy veil
that I would without a pause assail
if it meant bringing closer by one more day
Eris' death,
the shatter of masks,
our withdrawal for some time
into this world I've somehow made
without Seliph's curse,
without my sacrifice.

How many times have you asked
what I would do once that day passed?
How long 'til I set down
this crown,
bade job goodbye,
convince parents and friends
that, although I disappear,
I'm off to a place where I'll be alright?
Don't come looking for me,
don't waste your "precious" fruitless time.
Your daughter was a sinner,
passionate, iniquitous,
desiring, delirious, divine.

It's been
too long since I've haunted here,
since I've had to justify
my right
to survive.

**

CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander