Update

chess.md

@@ -201,21 +201,27 @@ Some general tips and rules of thumb, mostly for beginners:
 
 ## How To Disrespect Your Opponent And Other Lulz In Chess
 
-TODO
+*see also [unsportmanship](unsportmanship.md)*
 
-If you do this in a world championship match I will suck your dick.
+WORK IN PROGRESS, pls send me more tips :)
 
 - OTB (over the board) only:
   - Turn your knights to face backwards or in another weird way (always face the opponent's king etc.). Also place the pieces unevenly on the squares to piss off opponents with OCD and autism.
-  - Behave weird, make weird faces, go away extremely far away from the board and walk in circles, constantly sneeze (try to sneeze every time the opponent touches a piece), make very long unbroken eye contact with the opponent while smiling as if you know what he's thinking, call the referee constantly, pretend to fall asleep etc. Overeat on beans before the game so you fart a lot and always try to fart as loud as possible. Wear nice clothes but right before the game go sweat to the gym so that you smell like a pig and distract the opponent with toxic fume. If you're a [wimmin](woman.md) behave sexually, keep grabbing your boobs, lick your lips and silently moan sometimes as if you're having an orgasm; if your opponent is male he is almost definitely smarter than you, you gotta use your woman weapons, but it will probably work easily on the chess virgins.
+  - Behave weird, make weird faces, walk extremely far away from the board and walk in circles (or just get up and stand up directly behind your opponent in a completely upright position staring into the distance without moving at all like a robot lol), constantly sneeze (try to sneeze every time the opponent touches a piece), make very long unbroken eye contact with the opponent while smiling as if you know what he's thinking, call the referee constantly, go to the toilet after every move, pretend to fall asleep from boredom etc. Overeat on beans before the game so you fart a lot and always try to fart as loud as possible. Wear nice clothes but right before the game go sweat to the gym so that you smell like a pig and distract the opponent with toxic fume. If you're a [wimmin](woman.md) behave sexually, keep grabbing your boobs, lick your lips and opponent's captured pieces and silently moan sometimes as if you're having an orgasm, pretend to masturbate under the table; if your opponent is male he is almost definitely smarter than you, you gotta use your woman weapons, but it will probably work easily on the chess virgins.
   - In a tournament change play based on opponent's race or sex, for example play only one opening against white people and another opening against black people, see if anyone notices the pattern :D
+  - Outside tournament take advantage of the fact that you can do whatever the fuck you want: have one hand constantly on the clock and play with the other hand (considered rude and often forbidden), touch and knock over your opponent's pieces, take back your moves, ... and of course when you're losing, "accidentally" knock over the whole board and be like "oops, let's consider it a draw then" :D
+  - Trash talk the referee.
+  - ...
 - online only:
-  - Be annoying and offensive in chat, if opponent blunders write `gg`, spam `ez` when you win.
+  - Be annoying and offensive in chat, if opponent blunders write `gg`, spam `ez` when you win. If he wins say it was a shit game and accuse him of [cheating](cheating.md).
   - Constantly ask for takebacks, offer draws, report legit opponents for cheating and offensive behavior.
+  - ...
 - Play the bongcloud, fool's mate, 1. h3 or similar offensive opening, especially against a stronger player. Offer a draw after 1st move. Just play knight F3 and back constantly. Castle manually even if you don't have to. Play the exact mirror of opponent's moves -- if he tries to break it then just always try to get back to mirrored position.
-- When losing constantly offer draws, before the last move leave the game and let the clock run out.
+- When losing constantly offer draws, prolong the game AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE, before the very last move just let the clock run out.
 - Repeatedly try to make swastikas on the board, especially against colored opponents.
 - Underpromote pawns e.g. to knights or bishops.
+- When playing a noob, don't just mate him but absolutely rape him, promote all pawns to knights before winning, then say you didn't even have to try and that he should look into another game as chess is clearly not his game.
+- Look up chess etiquette and do the exact opposite of what it says.
 - ...
 
 ## LRS Chess