New poem: From Fiction

poetry/f/from_fiction.txt

@@ -0,0 +1,161 @@
+From Fiction
+2024-06-04
+
+***
+
+Fictionkin: the
+identity
+that you can at least partially
+trace your roots, your origin,
+to a piece of fiction.
+Whether
+as a character
+or a place or general vibe,
+you were born
+in foreign clime
+(or maybe here but other time)
+with story that takes place elsewhere.
+
+For some, the explanation
+of how this came to be
+is spiritual: reincarnation,
+or a split soul, separating
+twins, or some other convoluted
+explanation
+that I haven't
+the words to account for.
+For others, the origin
+of this phenomenon is
+psychological;
+the brain
+is great
+at contorting itself
+into maddened shapes
+for the sake
+of survival,
+and sometimes this means
+self-convincing
+that the person on the screen
+or described in novel's prose
+is the truest
+expression
+of the observer that one knows.
+
+Having known
+the mania of both,
+I must record the following observations.
+Please do not think me
+some hateful entity
+worth of being
+erased from posterity
+or harassed into silence:
+these are not an outsider's
+uninformed jabs meant to hurt;
+all that I am about
+to recount
+is from my own experience.
+
+One of the biggest signifiers
+of if a kin
+is legitimate
+is the presence of memories
+that cannot be explained by prior
+knowledge of the source material.
+B-plots discarded; other characters
+that would have made logical sense
+to paper over a plot hole
+but were erased, sometimes with remnants
+like a stray clip of audio
+or a model left untextured;
+an explanation of what came before;
+knowing what happens after fall the credits.
+Secondarily,
+even without exact memories,
+a sense of familiarity
+with the story's setting.
+Like how, even though
+I moved out of Forever Home
+almost a solid decade ago
+and of the changes made since I will never know,
+when the plot of my dreams call for a dwelling
+that floor plan is the first to volunteer.
+
+There is a man I'll call Anchorite
+(although you can most likely guess
+his true name if you're reading this
+at the end of May's hiatus)
+and for a solid two weeks he was *me*, he was *my* life.
+I hued my nails, I bought hair dye,
+I even tried to exorcise
+the belly fat
+that sought to pad
+my organs from the world outside.
+But through all this, though I could point
+to a thousand different things
+we held in common, what I always lacked
+were his memories.
+
+Can an individual form an identity
+when removed from their surroundings
+and of their memories made bereft?
+
+You know, we bonded through a game
+that asks that question in great depth,
+and the conclusion that I drew
+is that, when all traits
+have been drained,
+all that remains
+is the costume.
+
+All that, after all, I have is
+an image frozen, static.
+Unless the damned character dies,
+I get no closure,
+no knowledge
+of how
+played out
+the rest of their life.
+Just a snapshot of how they were.
+
+They stay the same
+in narrative loop
+allowing me to change.
+
+I wonder
+how others
+handle
+sequels.
+If having remembered, under assumption
+that what we held canon
+was all we ever would,
+the remainder of a life untransmitted.
+To chain one's deepest sense of self
+to the whims of a corporation.
+If the universe is infinite,
+I suppose that'd leave room to interpret
+canon in a different
+way.
+
+I should know, as Lethe Beltane.
+
+What I have as Lethe
+that I never had as Anchorite
+or any other
+characters
+whose "brainworms" wrapped me tight
+is that sense of continuity,
+the feeling
+that the story
+is happening *now*
+and not something I need to measure myself against: found
+wanting
+in every category,
+as yet the world's worst cosplay.
+There is no "out-of-character":
+who I am is me, is her.
+No fear of discontinuity.
+I am my own future.
+
+***
+
+CC BY-NC-SA 4.0 (c) Vane Vander

poetry/index.gmi

@@ -59,6 +59,7 @@
 => f/flickering.txt	Flickering Out
 => f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt	forgesitaj memoroj
 => f/forgive-me-marcel.txt	forgive me, Marcel
+=> f/from_fiction.txt	From Fiction
 
 ## G
 => g/gemini.txt	Gemini

poetry/index.gph

@@ -60,6 +60,7 @@ iF
 0Flickering Out	f/flickering.txt
 0forgesitaj memoroj	f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt
 0forgive me, Marcel	f/forgive-me-marcel.txt
+0From Fiction	f/from_fiction.txt
 
 iG	
 0Gemini	g/gemini.txt

poetry/index.html

@@ -80,7 +80,8 @@
 	│   ├── <a href="./f/firebrand.txt">firebrand.txt</a><br>
 	│   ├── <a href="./f/flickering.txt">flickering.txt</a><br>
 	│   ├── <a href="./f/forgesitaj-memoroj.txt">forgesitaj-memoroj.txt</a><br>
-	│   └── <a href="./f/forgive-me-marcel.txt">forgive-me-marcel.txt</a><br>
+	│   ├── <a href="./f/forgive-me-marcel.txt">forgive-me-marcel.txt</a><br>
+	│   └── <a href="./f/from_fiction.txt">from_fiction.txt</a><br>
 	├── <a href="./g/">g</a><br>
 	│   ├── <a href="./g/garden-gym.txt">garden-gym.txt</a><br>
 	│   ├── <a href="./g/gaze_rank.txt">gaze_rank.txt</a><br>
@@ -217,7 +218,7 @@
 	&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp; └── <a href="./z/zircons_beacon.txt">zircons_beacon.txt</a><br>
 <br><br><p>
 
-25 directories, 165 files
+25 directories, 166 files
 
 </p>
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